Maybe it was the third morning of gloominess. Maybe it was a poor night of sleep. But yesterday morning was filled with bickering, whining, and frustration between the girls. Surely, I was as pleasant as ever.
When the sun finally poked its head out after noon, I ordered us all outside for a walk. When the bickering continued I finally stopped and asked what the heck was going on.
And that’s when Hailey came over, buried her face in my side, and started crying, shoulders shaking and all. And my heart broke into a million pieces.
Sometimes I forget this is hard on them, too.
Yes we homeschool regularly, but this isolation is not typical of homeschool. We are usually out and about everyday, seeing all kinds of people and friends. While I’m sure her sister’s agitation was the trigger at this particular moment, I have no doubt there is some pent up confusion and frustration at the current state of things, despite my best effort at explanation.
I held my first baby and kissed the top of her head, which I don’t even really need to bend over to do anymore, as she is getting so tall. I told her that it was OK if this felt hard; that it was new and hard for all of us.
Then I explained to her that by all of us doing our part, we are helping. I pointed out the beauty in seeing people all working together. I told her how she personally was pitching in by sending donations and mailing drawings and cards.
The sunshine and I worked together to dry her tears and five minutes later she was back to hunting for worms on the sidewalk that she could save by moving to the grass. The moment had passed.
But that moment reminded me that despite how I try some days, it’s just not business as usual right now. It means some days we all need to remember to be kinder and more gentle with ourselves, whether we are 8 or 68.
And so we made an early spaghetti dinner, got in pajamas, and all four of us watched Star Wars episode five, with ice cream, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top to boot.
My hope is that she went to bed with a smile on her face remembering that while not every day is good, there is some good in every day.
Ali says
So true. We are not in normal times. And we are not ALL ok ALL the time. We have our moments, half days or full days when it’s just too much. It’s a time made for us all to learn how to give more GRACE to everyone…
John J. Stathas says
I welled up a bit on this post – Hailey’s tears. Well handled, Mom, and written. The “new normal” is not easy for many. May the sun stay out and worms on the sidewalk be found! 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
If we can count on anything, it’s worms after it rains. Our version of a rainbow I guess 🙂
Love you!
Kelli H says
Breaks my heart. Seeing all the play grounds in our whole county wrapped in caution tape feels unexplainable to my two year old.
Brittany Dixon says
I love two though because they accept what is in front of them without questioning too much 🙂 I imagine your adorable little girl is providing you with a lot of laughs right now! <3
Molly says
Gah what a tough, yet teachable moment. Thanks for sharing this great remember for all of us!
marie says
Thanks for sharing. My 8 year old (only child) is feeling it ALL. We tried to share very little in the beginning, but as time goes on, we’re giving out a bit more information – slowly. She’s starting to understand why we need to stay home. All. The. Time. It is Spring Break week here in WI, and not very spring-like yet. Sunshine cures all. We’re hoping April will be nicer/warmer and we’ll be outside as much as possible. Again, just thanks for sharing, it’s good to know that others are having good days and bad days…it’s not a straight line. Stay well!
Brittany Dixon says
I wish I could ship you some of the sunshine we are going to get today because I agree with you 100%- sunshine cures all! Thanks for the reminder, too, that it’s not a straight line. Knowing there will be ups and downs and expecting them is a super helpful mindset.
Lauren says
I teared up reading this. I as a grown adult have been really struggling with all the change and uncertainty too. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband and group of girlfriends who are always there to help pick me back up. It’s times like these we really learn what is important in life. She is lucky to have you as a mom!
Brittany Dixon says
Sometimes I get too busy sorting through things in my own head that I forget that she is doing the same. Big hugs to you; glad you have a wonderful support system. That helps so much! <3