Finally. After feeling like we’ve been pondering and researching and planning forever, we’re finally in it- homeschool. We’re doing it. Yesterday was our first day of homeschool kindergarten and quite frankly, it was a little bit of an emotional roller coaster.
It began early for me, as I hit up the 5:00 AM Burn Bootcamp class. I came home, showered, and realized I had forgotten to draw on the chalkboards for the girls’ first days of school pictures.
I spent 30 minutes decorating the two boards, which I probably shouldn’t admit to since they hardly look like they took more than 5 minutes combined. I laughed to myself, an art teacher I am not! And that’s when the worry started.
What am I doing? If I can’t teach art, should I be teaching anything at all? What is Hailey going to say when we drop Kaitlyn off and then we head back home? Am I depriving her of all the excitement of the first day of school? Will she miss out? Is taking a first day of school picture silly? Do seasoned homeschoolers just slide into the new year? Am I doing it wrong already?
Doubt, you guys, so much doubt. And worry. And guilt.
I wasn’t expecting it because I feel I’ve over-researched the heck out our choice, but there it was all the same. Am I going to fail my child?
I stirred the steel-cut oatmeal on the stove and decided the day called for coffee.
I heard the pitter-patter of three year old feet and looked up to see a grinning Kaitlyn wander into the kitchen holding her Mimi (bunny lovey) asking “I elp you mommom?” and whoosh, nostalgia. Wasn’t it just yesterday that Hailey was the one stumbling into the kitchen with mispronounced words and broken sentences?
Savor it, I reminded myself like I do about 100 times everyday.
Not long after, my big girl wandered into the kitchen with a sleepy smile. “Today is kindergarten!” she said with a happy, but groggy voice.
All I could see was the wide-eyed baby from 5 years ago that TimeHop had kindly reminded me of that morning as I smiled and replied with an only slightly-forced upbeat it sure is sweetheart!
Please don’t let me let her down.
The morning went on as usual. I promise brushing hair was a part of the routine despite what Kaitlyn’s appearance might suggest.
Both girls buzzed with excitement as we took the mandatory first day photos.
Hailey’s career answer (verbatim): When I grow up I want to be a scientist who studies food to make and serve at my restaurant called Sisters’ Restaurant.
Dare I say it’s quite the deviation from her answer at preschool graduation!
We loaded into the car and shortly thereafter, as predicted, Kaitlyn skipped happily into preschool. I turned the car around to head home and the butterflies began. I felt like such a rebel. All the kids are in school and here we are driving home. Am I breaking the law? This feels crazy!
We got home, filled our water bottles, and headed into our homeschool room. “Ok, here we go- kindergarten!” I said with forced enthusiasm through my nerves.
We started with math. I gathered the computer, the worksheet, my manual, and the manipulatives. As I took a deep breath I put on the 2-3 minute video segment of the man explaining how we count 0-9. It’s math way below her level, but I wanted to start the year with confidence and Hailey obediently played along, answering the video man’s rhetorical questions. She completed the worksheet in under 3 minutes.
The process felt dry. It felt rocky. It didn’t feel fun. It took a whopping 10 minutes and I stared at the clock thinking what. the. heck. Do I do another lesson? How are we supposed to do for the next 2 hours? Can she tell I’m making this up as I go? I’m totally screwing this up.
Screw. This.
Then the words I’ve heard from so many veteran friends entered my mind: if it’s not working, STOP. I decided to follow their advice. Hot chocolate. And marshmallows. It was a copout, I knew it, and I did not care.
Because guess what? It did the trick. Hailey lit up. I chilled out. I saw the morning for what it was: a gift to have this one on one time with my daughter; a gift to be the one to guide her, teach her, love her. I saw me for who I am: a mom who has been teaching my child since the day she was born. Why should I start to doubt myself now?
With a new perspective and a lightened mood, we eased into our Brave Writer program. Hailey read this week’s book, Hop on Pop, in between sips of hot chocolate. We moved into a little copywork and slowly, things became fun.
I felt the two roles of mom and teacher collide in a beautiful way as I explained vowels, consonants, and capital letters for proper nouns. This is it; I’m doing it!, I thought giddily to myself, as we moved right along into the activity.
With vowels on pink post-its and consonants on yellow, we took turns enthusiastically spelling out words and taking things one step further, acting them out. Oh my goodness, giggles ensued and time flew!
One of Hailey’s more daring spellings: OTRSPAS.
Can you guess what it is? Here’s a hint, she’s acting it out right in that picture. With giggles galore she plopped down into a ball position and proclaimed- I’m a planet!
Her word? Outer Space!
Don’t worry, she correctly knocked out plenty of C-V-C words before getting more adventurous. Also, according to a new study, inventive spelling is the strongest causal link to literary skills. Hooray for phonics!
We must have played this “game” for 40 minutes before I brought it to a close. We collapsed on the Love Sac to transition into reading time.
As we opened the pages to Amelia Bedelia’s First Apple Pie, Hailey snuggled up next to me and with happy exhaustion in her voice she said “mom, I love kindergarten.” At that moment my heart exploded and my fears faded into a quiet confidence.
Am I doing this right? I’m not sure to be honest but what I do know: I will not fail my child.
We’re bound to have plenty of ups and downs along the way as we figure this process out together, but I’m grateful, so grateful, to have this opportunity and be on this adventure. I have no doubt our days will continue to change as we figure out the rhythm that works best for us, but at the end of our “school” day (which was at about 11:15 am), Hailey begged for it not to stop. She asked when we’d get to do it again and her eyes lit up when I answered with TOMORROW!
To me, that’s success.
We picked up Kaitlyn from preschool and spent 2 sunshiny hours at the playground with friends before the first day of school festivities culminated in celebratory ice cream.
Though the freedom still feels a little crazy and the unfounded fears of socialization float through the back of my mind, I am thrilled.
Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you, not as an expert (obviously), but as a fellow mom with all the worries, insecurities, and small celebrations that go along with it.
sherry says
What a fun and educational day! You will never fail your child/children. There is no universal right or wrong (okay maybe if you did nothing but let them sit in from of a TV watching cartoons-:)) in how you teach a child. You will do what works for you and Hailey–and she will thrive! You have done your “homework” and are ready to open the world to her. You go girl! So proud of you and what you are doing!
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks, Mom! <3 I appreciate the support more than you know!
JOHN J STATHAS says
What an awesome description of your emotional rewarding day as teacher/parent of Hailey. Great job! You both are so fortunate to have the relationship and opportunity to connect, learn, and have fun together in this period of time. Revel in it!
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks, Dad! I’m faking it until I make it but luckily she doesn’t seem to notice or mind 😉
Dana says
Wow! What a fun day! I wish we had children the same age so I can follow you along on this amazing journey with my own kids! You are an inspiring mama and Hailey will do amazing things…you got this!!
Cant wait to follow along 🙂 Best wishes for a wonderful school year ahead with both of your girls:)
Brittany Dixon says
Thank Dana! Your encouraging words mean so much!
Alexis says
Thanks for this beautiful and personal post. It’s brave of you to go for the homeschooling and it’s brave of you to share your raw feelings about it with us. My kids are still toddlers, but I think about how and what I’m teaching them and “am I doing this right?” all the time. Hope you continue to enjoy the process!
montessoriishmom says
Congratulations on a wonderful first day! I definitely suffer from “imposter syndrome” like that, and for sure did when I first became a teacher. Hailey is lucky to have you, you’re doing such an awesome job!
Another fun reading game is “secret message game” where you write a word on a slip of paper, fold it and give it to Hailey and she reads the message. We would do this with objects in the classroom at school (e.g., I would write window and the child would read it and go place it on a window)…it is more fun than it sounds!
Brittany Dixon says
That sounds like such a cute game! And anything is game form is right up our alley. Hailey already asked to play our game from yesterday again while at the breakfast table so I’ll add this one into the mix too today. Thanks!
PS- my dad always told me “fake it until you make it” – it works! 🙂
Caley says
Well done mama bear!! Sounds like you rocked day one and this will be such an exciting journey for you both (and so many valuable lessons!) x
Erin says
Thank you so much for sharing this. I think we all have the same kind of fears when they start something new. You are an amazing mom and doing amazing by those beautiful girls. Keep up the good work momma. I’ve never homeschooled but traditional school has its fair share of ups and downs too so know that no matter what we’re all in this together. It sounds like an amazing first day. I can’t wait to hear more about how your homeschooling adventure goes. I love getting inspiration from you!
Brittany Dixon says
Thank you so much, Erin! The encouragement means more than you know! I keep reminding myself that all of life has ups and downs and no path is perfect. I really appreciate your kind words <3
Lisa says
Is there a post about why you chose home school and its benefits for the child?
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Lisa, yes! I talked a little about our motivation to go this route here: https://www.ahealthysliceoflife.com/why-we-are-exploring-homeschool/
Brittany Dixon says
I think that is what threw me off- how quickly we can move through stuff! I am still working on “de-schooling” my brain and reminding myself that homeschool is not recreating school at home, but its own unique thing. I’m doing my best not to compare our days to a those of a traditional school day and embracing and celebrating the differences instead of fretting about them!
Kathy says
What an awesome morning of kindergarten!! You are going to ROCK it!! 🙂
Carrie says
Beautiful description of your first official day, Brittany. Congrats to all of you and keep up the inspiring work!!
Shannon says
I’m not a mom or a teacher, but after being a long time reader around here, I am confident to say you got this 🙂 you’re self-aware enough to know if something isn’t working early on and you’ll fix it along the way, without missing a beat!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh thank you so much; means a lot! I feel so fortunate to have so many teachers, homeschoolers, parents, and friends to lean on and get advice from. I’m so appreciative!
lacey says
is kaitlyn’s ice cream falling off the cone in the last pic? it looks like the picture was snapped a second before the ice cream hit the floor 😉
Brittany Dixon says
Oh my gosh it almost fell like 20 times!! Then she’d quickly get to and lick so it flopped over to the other side, but somehow she made it through with most of it making it into her mouth and only a little on her shirt- ha!
Heather says
Love the honest first day of homeschooling post. From those smiles, I’d say it was a success and something that will just get easier with time as you fall into a good groove and find a method that works well for both of you. Happy First Day!
Amber says
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful and raw thoughts about your first day! I thought about you girls yesterday and hoped your day was going well!! I will be in your shoes in 2 years and shared your blog with my husband this morning to talk through some of the different feelings we might experience the first few days/weeks. I hadn’t thought about still experiencing the nostalgia of my oldest going to kindergarten even though it will be with me! I also understand your thoughts about working to deschool your mind..I think as a former elementary teacher that will be one of the toughest parts for me! You have started so young with Hailey (as opposed to waiting until later elementary, etc) that she won’t even realize the kinks you work through now so don’t feel discouraged!
How awesome that Hailey was able to learn with you yet still have the afternoon to play outside. Definitely a huge blessing of homeschooling!
Thanks for sharing!!
Kristen says
Love this post, Brittany! I am just starting to homeschool my 4 year old for pre-k. I am also in NC and attended the homeschool conference last spring. Not sure if you have heard this before or not, but a lot of ‘expert’ homeschoolers say that it really takes just an average of 30 minutes per grade a day to homeschool. So for kindergarten, it would just be 30 minutes. Now I am not saying it HAS to be that way. You do what is best for your girls!! But I think it is a good thing to keep in mind … that in a 1 on 1 situation, it really doesn’t need to take that long to do seat work. Addie and I usually do maybe 45 minutes or so a day, but that is broken into 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there throughout the day. And she is doing mostly kindergarten work. That’s just what works for us, especially because I also have a 21 month old to play with haha! You are going to do an amazing job. Just breathe and trust your mommy instincts. Not every day has to look the same or look perfect. Lots of love to you. Please keep these posts up! Love reading them!
Brittany Dixon says
Kristen, thank you so much for your comment and for sharing the 30 minutes per grade rule. That seriously makes me feel so much better that an hour would be sufficient if some days end up like that. De-schooling my brain is harder than I thought and I find myself starting to worry that we won’t be doing enough even though I know logically that we’re doing just fine and learning in so many other ways outside of “school” hours. Thanks!!
Laura says
You are doing great! I think you will absolutely love teaching and your daughters, in turn, will benefit immensely! Looking back, it honestly took me about 3 years to find my groove in the classroom, although I realize the homeschooling dynamic is quite different from a classroom of 25. Teaching is in itself a dynamic profession, and each year I tap into new ideas and inspirations. Also, I teach math and use the PBS Learning Media website for ideas on real life math projects and activities, although they have activities for all subjects, searchable by grade and content area. Many projects are interactive, with a short video followed by an activity or worksheet. A projector connected to my computer was a simple but invaluable investment for my classroom. All of my lessons are on Powerpoint which gives me the freedom of adding pictures, visuals, and video clips to even the “driest” of math lessons. It also leads naturally into richer questions, discussions, and higher level thinking in the classroom.
Have fun!!!
Brittany Dixon says
I’m going to check out that PBS Learning Media site- thanks for the suggestion! And yes, you are so right about the difference between teaching one child (my own) and a classroom. I wouldn’t know where to start! Teachers are amazing!!
K. Elizabeth says
I’m so happy you guys ended up having a great first day. When I made the decision to homeschool my special needs son last year, I was terrified. I thought for sure he’d fuss about not being in traditional school like his sister, but he didn’t. We’re on year two of homeschooling and this year my daughter asked to join us because traditional school just isn’t for her. This school year started off with me doubting myself again, but once I got out of my own head things started to go smoother and we’re loving it!
I hope that you guys continue to have an amazing school year. And just remember to not over think it. You’ll totally got this!
Brittany Dixon says
It’s so helpful to hear that! You are so right- getting out of my own head is crucial and I can see that everyday we have under our belts will make that easier. I hope you have an amazing school year too!!
Random, but what math do you use? Any suggestions?
Jen says
I’m so glad you’re writing about this! My little one is the same age as Kaitlyn, but I plan to home school, as well. Even though I’m not actually in it yet, I have to say that I do believe it’s impossible for you to fail her; you’re clearly a wonderful, thoughtful mother, and honestly, she’ll get so, so much more time to actually learn than she would if she was in school, you know? You get to teach her the basics plus whatever interests her the most, as opposed to teaching whatever she has to learn for a test that the state wants her to take. I think it’s such an awesome option for those of us who can make it work, and I love that the internet makes it so easy to connect with people who are already doing it! XO
Katy says
Hi Brittany! I’m a first time commenter, but I’ve been reading your blog daily for over three years. As a mom and teacher, I totally get the first day feelings you shared. My colleagues and I joke that we feel like frauds at the beginning of each year. You will get into your groove, and Hailey is so lucky to have you dedicating this much love and energy in her education. You have put so much effort into this project, and it will pay off! Have a great year!
Meg says
Hey Brittany! Completely out of curiosity, how long are you planning on homeschooling for? Do you think it will just be for a few years or all the way through high school?
Brittany Dixon says
Not sure to be honest! We are planning on reevaluating each year.
Cornelle Van Rensburg says
Oh! I almost shed a Mama tear reading this post! Thank you for sharing. Sometimes you look at other parents and think, how do they seem so ‘together’ and how do they seem to make big parenting decisions seem so easy and you start thinking… Am I the only one that care/worry so much about whether I am choosing the right school/extra curriculars/path etc etc for my child?
Can I just say that you are so so so fortunate to be able to do this for your child? I work full time and have to entrust my child’s education and well being to others day after day. In the end, no one else will ever “care” as much about them as you do, and therefore you should not doubt yourself (although I know that we all do!). Well done and good luck! Can’t wait to follow your journey.
Heather says
Looks like you guys are off to a great start, you got this girl!
We also ventured into our new life on Tuesday of part time preschool and SAHM. I think I was the one that had the greater panic attack…”what do I do with myself? I MUST be productive with my time to feel like I am contributing!” We are headed for such big changes in our family (baby in 5 weeks or less!) I just have to remind myself to relax, enjoy the down time, snuggle with my toddler, because as you said you have to savor every moment.
Mrs Hancock says
Having graduated my 2nd homeschool student this year (who is successfully navigating year 1 of college), and teaching 10th, 6th, and preK4 this year…. It has been amazing to know that what I lack in patience, creativity, resources God always steps in the gap. We school year round as everyday we have opportunities to read, think, create, and share our discoveries.
EnJOY the process of forming and encouraging lifelong curiosities into broadening horizons with new knowledge.
You got this, even on days you won’t think you do.
Ushmana says
Dear Brittany, all the love from Nepal,
Your blog is something very different yet heartwarming, what you are doing for your daughter by homeschooling is very prodigious for her future and your relationship. Really appreciate the approach and yet you have the time for the blog, simple amazing! Keep doing the best and posting more! xx
Shauna says
The post cracked me up!! I’m a full time domestic engineer but I was a special education teacher in my previous life, and your post could’ve been my first day of teaching. Now that I have a daughter of my own, who is Kaitlin’s age, I’m beginning to venture into preschool homeschooling. I’m glad we can venture into this homeschooling thing “together” 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Domestic engineer- I LOVE THAT!! Have fun with the preschool homeschool and send any good tips you have my way 🙂
Gcroft says
What an inspiring post. My daughter starts reception school (she turns 5 soon) next week and whilst we are excited about her transition to big school from nursery, I’m filled with despair that I will have very little part to play in her education and development during the week. I work full time which leaves only the weekends for prettt much everything.
I’m excited to follow along in your journey. Lots of cheering on from London, here’s to you and Hailey. X
Brittany Dixon says
What an exciting time for you, but I totally understand the nerves that come with transition. Working full-time or being at home, I firmly believe that the parents are the most influential educators in their children’s life so don’t sell yourself short for all you do and the incredible example you are setting for her. Thinking of you and good luck with this next stage!<3
Lauren Brennan says
We started homeschooling on Tuesday as well, Kindergarten and preschool. That day was really fun, and the kids were totally into it… so why did I feel like crying when we wrapped up?! I can relate to the emotional roller coaster and doubt that you experienced, and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who felt (feels) that way! Blessings to you this school year. You’ve got this Mama!
Go Dawgs!
Brittany Dixon says
I felt like crying too, Lauren! Pure emotional exhaustion from… trying so hard? I’m not sure but wish I could give you a hug after we both experienced the craziness of the first day. Keep letting me know how it’s going for you! Today was a great day for us and gave me dose of the confidence I needed. You’ve got this! <3
Brittany Dixon says
My mom and dad have always been my biggest cheerleaders… and still are 😉 Love them!
And yes, you are so right! Teachers that engage and inspire 20+ kids at a time amaze me! Mad skills…
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Jessica, your comment meant so much to me, so thank you for taking the time to share it. I was totally got off-guard with how unsure I felt as we started and being able to open up about it on here was so therapeutic. I do feel grateful to have this opportunity, which is probably where part of my fear about squandering it comes from. However, this morning went SO much better and gave me that dose of confidence I so needed to keep trucking. Again, thank you for your heartfelt comment!