Oh, TV. I have such a love/hate relationship with you. On one hand, you provide me with Nashville and for that, many hugs. On the other hand, you seem to have a stronghold on my three-and-a-half year old and for that, you drive me insane.
I tried to do everything ‘right’ in regards to TV. “They” say no screens before age 2. Well, Hailey made it to 20 months before seeing anything on a screen. I mean, before that I wouldn’t let her look at a screen no matter what was on. First time parent craziness? You betcha! And when I gave in at 20 months, it was for a 12-15 minute segment of an educational show- Super Why? Yo Gabba Gabba? I can’t quite remember.
Fast forward to today. We still really limit TV (all screens really- she will occasionally use my kindle on a long road trip). In fact I often don’t turn the TV on until around 8:30 pm, after the girls are in bed. We aren’t the type that have background TV on. We usually opt for music, plus we cut cable years ago and now use Netflix and Hulu Plus. Anyway, Hailey typically watches one show a day, a 24 minute episode of Jake and the Never Land Pirates, or Daniel Tiger, or Octonauts (those seem to be the favorites around here currently).
So what’s the problem you ask?
Her incessant asking to watch it. It’s so predictable that it’s laughable, if it wasn’t slowly pushing me over the edge.
Whenever I pick her up from school/gym childcare/friend’s house/wherever, this is the exact greeting EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hailey: Hi Mom, how ya doin? Can I watch something on TV now? I said hi mom, how ya doin?
Verbatim.
This usually gets a good giggle from the teacher/my friends, but it all stems from a few months back when she used to just greet me with “Hi Mom, can I watch something on TV?” and I told her that was rude and I’d appreciate a little conversation first, you know, telling me about her day or asking me how my days was like, etc. Well, ask and you shall receive I guess.
So here I sit, trying to figure out how to unhinge this obsession.
Like a lot of parents, I blame myself. I’m SO conscious about not creating this dynamic with food. I don’t keep things off limit food wise and that has worked really well for us. Have I unconsciously created this TV fixation by making it so taboo? I had a friend suggest trying to ‘smoke her out’ so one day I let her go wild and watch as much TV as she wanted. The girl was on cloud nine. She metaphorically smoked that pack of cigarettes and asked for more.
Sigh.
I’ve taken it away for multiple days in a row. This does seem to work slightly, as she appears to not notice it as much after a couple days, but if I’m being real with you, I sometimes need those 24 minutes of preschooler occupation. She already does well with self play and can stay in her room solo for up to 2-3 hours entertaining herself with books and dolls (that’s what we call ‘nap time’ around here most days) so it’s not like I feel there is a developmental reason I need to limit it.
Basically, it’s just the fact that she asks for it all the time that is driving me crazy. The preoccupation and asking for it multiple times a day. I just don’t know what to do.
So, I’m here, at my wits end, asking for Haaaaaaalp.
How do you handle TV in your house?
How much to you let your kids watch?
Do they ask to watch it?
Are there predictable times they watch it?
I’m thinking it might help with Hailey if she watches a show at the exact same time everyday. Then she’d know when to expect it and when not to?
Any thoughts on my situation?
Kate says
I have the same problem with my 3.5 year old son. I’d love to hear what others have to say. Drives me nuts.
Maryea {happy healthy mama} says
You nailed it–having TV time at the same time everyday, and staying consistent with that, is a huge help. I’ve dealt with this same problem with my little ones. I’m still glad I’ve limited their TV time, even if it’s led to a slight obsession with it.
John J. says
Structure and consistency are always a good path to go on.
Liz says
Hi! My girls are 4 and 6. I basically have had the same TV “rules” as you as my kids have grown up. They now get to watch 1 – 24 min episode of Doc McStuffins after school each day. This helps them wind down and me unload backpacks/clean out lunch boxes 🙂 Every Friday night we have family movie night after dinner. I pop popcorn and we all sit together and watch a Disney flick that they pick out. They look forward to this all week and my husband and I do too. We secretly hope they want to do this with us on Friday nights when they are 17 🙂 Other days they will often ask to watch another show while I’m cooking dinner, but I just say “no” and leave it at that. They know the rules. I’d say Hailey’s obsession is just a phase, but a very annoying one that I completely understand. Good luck!
Cheryl says
i was thinking about this after our chat. I agreE with the scheduling. That may take the constant asking away. I.e. You watch one show after nap and that’s it. Or, she gets one show a day and she can pick when (after school, after nap, before bed). Sounds like your mostly concerned about the repetitive asking and obsession, since hailey plays just fine with it off and gets plenty of activity, so having that block of time may work and be enough to appease her.
Allison says
We have no tv for my kids for this reason. My son asked all the time and so we went cold turkey when he was 3 (he saw none until 2.5). It is just something we don’t do and now we don’t ever hear about it. My kids are now 4 and 5. They watch on plane trips and that is it, which makes them awesome travelers because it is suçh a treat. We all became happier when they stopped watching.
Jodi says
I will love to read all the comments. My girls get waaaaaay more tv than Hailey, so I feel like a failure almost everyday. And as I say that and quantify it, maybe it is nit terrible, but they get 2 shows in the morning and then 1-2 shows in the afternoon while I am making dinner or cleaning up and they about to kill each other. Yesterday w the rain, I rented a couple DVDs and Avery was dying to watch one while Emmy slept, so I caved after we played a game, did a craft and she played quietly w Legos. So why should I feel badly? Not sure, I had already interacted w her after she had been stimulated at school. But, when Emmy woke up, she automatically asked for the same DVD ( strawberry shortcake is like crack to my kids). So I’m like crap, now it’s in again…. Granted Avery wasn’t as interested, but I think havig both of them makes it harder. ESP since when they are tired at the end if the day ( and mommy’s tired and trying to throw dinner together) a show is welcome peace. I have even gone as far as to let them watch a show while they eat dinner ( rarely) on the days we don’t eat together as a family bc I want them to sit still and eat healthy food and it helps… #fail?? As for the iPad… Well we have abc mouse and Avery loves it. She can have that for quiet time for 30-45 minutes on days she doesn’t nap. Emmy gets my phone when I am trying to navigate through target or have sushi at Pisces for their unlimited sushi lunch special… ( total mommy selfish moment…) anyways, I have no right answer except that it’s my huge source of mommy guilt. But then I’m like, whatever, I watched way more tv as a kid and turned out fine. And we do so many other things and stay busy that I need to let it go. But, Emmy is like Hailey ‘show? Show? Show?’ Ugh. No answer my friend, just a rant. So many moms will probably comment how they are so strict about it, but I’m guessing more moms are like me. Closet guilt laiden moms that are constantly judging themselves for their epic mom failures… :/
Crystal says
You really shouldn’t feel guilty. My son watches more TV than I ever planned as well. Depending on the day between 1/2hr to 2hr. I often feel guilty too but then I remind myself that we also play together a lot, go to the park, crafts, outings to new places etc. It’s great that some moms succeed at limiting it so much bit we are doing a good job too. Every family is different.
Lindsay says
Right there with you! 🙂 Thanks for the honesty!
Heather@hungryforbalance says
Oh man! This post makes me nervous for the coming years!! My daughter is 17 months and we strictly avoid TV/screen time. I just *assumed* that we wouldn’t have to worry about TV obsession. (Face palm!) Please PLEASE dedicate a post to this if you find something that works!
Kimberly says
Brittany I have a daughter the exact age of Hailey, and she knows she watches 1 show (20-25 min) after quiet time (she hasn’t napped since before she was 2!!!) everyday. She knows when it is, and that it is all she gets per day, so she never asks for it. I would talk to her about having a set time everyday and then stick to that! I do think kids need a little bit of downtime and the 20 minutes or so of sitting quietly is sometimes really helpful, but I don’t use it to distract her while I try to get other things done because then I feel like it’s a reward. Good luck!
Brynn says
wjat I hear time and time again is kiss need structure and predictably from parents. So I would agree, try a set time and see how she reacts. Also, I would focus on her behavior not the act of watching tv. Take those 24 minutes!’
Casey says
We tied getting to watch a show into our morning routine. My kids go to daycare and it helps to keep them occupied while the grown ups get ready for the day. We connected it to our son, 3 1/2, staying in his bed until it was time to get up – we have an “okay to wake” clock, so if he stays in his room quietly until the light is green he gets a show – if he comes out early – no show. He still does ask each morning but I think he is more asking “did I earn it? Did I do a good job?”
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul says
I am not a parent yet but very good food for thought! I hope you find a solution that works for you and your family!
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables says
I’m reading everyone’s advice, because I’m sure we will be fighting that same battle SOON! Right now, Baby D hasn’t really watched any TV. I swear there are subliminal messages in kids shows that get them addicted! LOL
Lindsey says
My motto is everything in moderation..I really believe if you don’t allow something (tv, iPad, junk food) it’ll just become an obsession later.
Our daughter is only 18 months but had watched tv or the iPad for a good 10 months. Not only is this how I can get ready for work (& not be late! Lol) the shows babe actually taught her things. She knows how to count to 3 & can identify animals, both which are on the shows we’ve watched.
I think it’s important to know what they are watching and limit the time for sure, but still allow it and let them be kids 🙂
Rachel says
When our daughter was two she watched one episode of Yo Gabba Gabba a day, every morning while she drank her smoothie. It gave me time to wake up and she always devoured her smoothie. Once she was almost three, she began asking for more and more and more TV time. We had to cut it out cold turkey. Now she’s four and we do watch TV, but we watch it with her and call it movie night, and it happens about once every two weeks. She also gets the iPad on car rides. It kind of sucks to not have that time to myself, but I’ve really found that she will respond if I say “I just need 15 minutes – will you go play for a little while? I’ll come get you when I’m ready.” This sounds kind of like jerk “I’m an awesome mom with an awesome kid and we don’t even watch TV! Ya!” but I promise it’s not! I just really found cutting it out completely helped, and now it’s a real treat for her. (As an aside, she’s an only child. There’s a good chance I’d eat my words and let the TV be on all the time if we had more children. Haha!)
Jessica says
I try to not make TV watching a big deal. My son will be three in July and never really got into TV until maybe a year ago. It just didn’t really keep his attention. He likes Daniel Tiger, Super Why and loves to watch the movie Frozen. More often than not if the TV is on (Even on a show he likes) he will watch a bit and then wander off to find something else to do, He reads a ton and has a great imagination. We also have a ten month old daughter and the only thing that makes her turn her head are songs from Frozen. 🙂
My husband does like the have the TV on as background noise and so I do think its a bit of, ‘well the TV is nothing special.’ to our son.
My thinking is that a little TV/screen time is really no big deal as long as he is getting plenty of fresh air, books, and non TV related play. We only have older smart phones and no kindles or anything, so we don’t have THAT additional worry.
Erica { EricaDHouse.com } says
As a soon-to-be Mom who’s read a lot on this I was interested to see what other parents said! I am hoping to make it to the ‘no screen time under 2’ threshold. Since we also don’t have cable it shouldn’t be too hard (although I’m wondering if that will be true when Dad is around.)
If you already have a set schedule of when she watches her one show a day and she’s still asking for more, maybe try letting her choose what time a day she watches it? So she feels like she has more control over it?
Sue says
I used to be a special education teacher, and this helps a lot of my kids, not saying your daughter needs special-education! I found routine and consistency, along with the picture schedule helps a lot of kiddos! I would recommend a picture schedule to match the routine. So if she gets it after school, you would have a picture for her morning routine, going to school, watching a show, play time, dinner, and bed (obviously you can add/change to fit your actual daily schedule). This way she can see exactly when she gets to watch a show. You can make a really simple one using pictures you take of her doing these things, or just pictures you find online to match her schedule. Hope this helps!
Michelle G. says
You should try going cold turkey for a few weeks and see where it gets you. you might find that she occupies herself just as well with a vivid picture book when you need that 25 minute break. It’s better for her brain.
Julie says
We use “TV tokens”– basically circles I made of construction paper with “TV” on them. They are clipped to the fridge. My 4 year old gets 2 every day. If she asks to watch something, I say “do you have a Tv token?” If yes, then yes! If no, I say, “no tv token? Uh oh. You’ll get more tomorrow”. She is in control of when she watches. Sometimes the tokens are gone by 830 in the morning, other times she likes to save them for later. It’s worked pretty well for us– not completely eliminating the asking, but the structure helps her.
Brittany says
Julie I love this so so much!! What a great and simple idea. I think H would really take to this. Thank you!
Sabrina says
This is brilliant.
Julie S. says
I agree! It will also teach her the concept of saving to a degree. It also gives her a sense of control & responsibility. Love it!
Lindsey @ Simply Lindsey says
Growing up, my brother and I mainly watched Saturday morning cartoons when we were really little (it allowed my parents to sleep in! ;)). When we were a little older, we could watch about an hour of TV if we finished our homework/chores. The only time I remember watching a lot of TV was when I was sick! There doesn’t seem to be a perfect formula for how much TV kids should watch. I think my Mom focused on making sure we were doing lots of other things in addition to watching TV (reading, playing outside, hanging out with friends, etc.).
Lauren says
we just try not to make a big dea of it. My 21 month old has been watching daniel tiger for awhile now.
Times I’ll put TV on (Netflix or Disney jr) are when I get ready in am and when I start cooking/prepping, but most of the time he helps me now. In the am, sometimes it auto plays, but I can turn it off mid episode and he is ok.
Hubby and I work full time, sometimes if we are home we leave it on, but my son doesn’t sit there and watch it so I’m ok with it.
Yea, he asks for mickey or “tigey” sometimes, but we usually just redirect or tell him they’re resting right now (hah).
Sarah says
My parents were always really strict about TV. Early on, we were allowed to watch 30 minutes per day, at our choosing. Once the 30 minutes were up, we knew we needed to move on and not ask for more. Then, once my brother and I hit middle and high school, no TV was allowed on school days, period. I think this rule really helped because I never felt hurried or motivated to rush through homework or not go play outside with friends, because I just knew TV wasn’t an option. The rule kind of freed my from the grips of the TV and I was able to focus on and enjoy other stuff. I think all of that TV structure did make TV seem more like a treat – which is what it is!
Alex @ time to choose joy says
I wish I had help for you, my kid doesn’t care much for television, we do watch Wheel of Fortune and he talks about the letters 🙂
I have seen a lot of stuff on pinterest where if you help with a chore you get 5 minutes of tv and can earn up to 30 minutes per day.
Jess says
Just wanted to say, we are in the exact same boat. We had ‘no screens’ as well until a month ago (when my daughter was 18 months) and got a double ear, double eye, and chest infection (oy!). She was so miserable and couldn’t sleep so I put on Bubble Guppies via Netflix. And now, everyday when I pick her up from daycare she greets me with ‘Hi! Bubba?’. Every. single. day. We save it for weekends and ‘ohmygosh I’m so late for work’ mornings, but I look forward to reading these comments and see what other moms do!
Christina says
I’ve loved reading everyone’s comments! We do one show a day, usually when we walk in the door at 6pm so I can unwind and start dinner (and pour a glass of wine, if it’s one of those days :)) If I’m being honest, some days it’s two shows, because, well, momma needs a break 🙂 Friday night is movie night, which my 3 year old LOVES – I think it helps cut down on the asking. Maybe try a consistent practice that she gets one show a day at X time, and if she asks you more than Y times a day for TV, she will lose her show for the night?
Jenn says
We watch or the tv is on all the time, I don’t have a set time limit and most days it is usually on. I have a 4, 3 and 1 year old. But the majority of the day they don’t even care that it is in and don’t even watch. They watch in the mornings when I’m trying to get stuff ready and then in the evenings. They don’t nap except the 1 year old and haven’t in a year so if they need to wind down and I need to do something besides break up fights I get them to watch a bit in the afternoons. It’s on so much they don’t care and would rather go outside and play most of the time. I agree with a few others that not making it something special and this huge treat that they just don’t get the excitement out of watching it. It’s normal to them so usually they would rather go play.
Stephanie says
Completely agree! TV is never special in our house or a reward. If it is on, it is on. My 3 year old will watch a little and then go play.
Al says
I am going to chime in with the consistent schedule.
I think you have 2 choices:
YOU pick one time per day when YOU most need it. She doesn’t need to have a vote. She’s 3.5 and you need it to be a time of day you consistently need the help. So let’s say “4pm” or “while I get dinner ready”. If you are home at that time, she gets. If you aren’t, she doesn’t.
OR
You say she gets 1 show a day (or 30 minutes which might mean 2 Daniel tigers) and that time varies but the consistent part is the length of time.
The struggle you will have either way is when she’s sick, it’s rainy, you are tired or you want to watch a movie as a family– you will break the “rules” and might pay for it. So I would suggest brain storming something else she really loves to do. Something special. For example- I really need to send some emails but don’t want screen time. What do I do? “How about you read books on mommy and daddy’s bed with my quilt”? She LOVES that!
Don’t forget you also have the old “if you ask, you don’t get it”. When you feel the question coming….. Beat her to it and say “remember the rule. If you ask, you don’t get it. Mommy will tell you when it’s time”.
Or
The batteries are dead.
The TV is broken.
Daddy said no tv today (and daddy isn’t there).
But I know you hate the “question” most of all so you gotta nip that.
If you ask you don’t get it?
Or rewards. a sticker chart? If you don’t ask in the morning you get a sticker and if you don’t ask in the pm you get a sticker. After 5 stickers you get a reward (you decide reward choices together – read a book, paint toes, play outside, “stay up late”, take a shower with sister,……. You need the goal to be small and the reward to motivate her. I did this for 2 weeks for a behavior I needed to change and it was solved!!!!’
Just thinking…..
Brittany says
I don’t have children but it hurts my heart to see so many children at restaurants that are glued to an ipad. I realize they are great learning tools but I would think only when used in moderation and monitored correctly. This is just a suggestion but do any of her favorite shows correspond with a book? Maybe a compromise would be letting her look through a Dora book for example when she asks for tv time.
Jessica says
I agree that the constant use of the ipad is far more worrisome to me than having the television on at home. Television at home is one thing but having constant access to screen time everywhere, all the time can’t be good in my opinion.
Sabrina says
Our rules change pretty often based on weather/how I’m feeling/etc. However, each time we make a change we stick with that exact plan until the new one comes along.
The current rules are:
1. If they wake up before 6 am they can watch up to an hour of TV so I can sleep a little more and then shower without kids annoying me.
2. If they wake up extra crabby from their naps they can watch 1 show on the couch as they wake up and cheer up. It always works so it’s nice to have that in my back pocket.
3. When they are with the grandparents they can watch unlimited tv/movies after dinner, mostly because the grandparents need that break and they all enjoy the snuggles.
4. On long car rides they can have unlimited access to the iPad after 4 hours in the car.
5. In restaurants they can play a game on the iPad after 45 minutes to an hour of good table behavior.
Many days they don’t watch any tv at all. Some days they watch the full morning hour and the afternoon show and use the iPad in a restaurant. I feel like it all balances out. They know the rules and somehow Raffi knows to only ask for a show at those times now, although he used to ask constantly when we didn’t have specific times planned.
Last summer they/he watched a whole movie every Friday, Saturday and Sunday afternoons. We’d spend all day long at the beach running and playing, and after we got back to the beach house, showered up and ate dinner they’d be so wiped they just wanted to veg out. And I wanted to veg too. I am ok with that and imagine this summer will be much of the same, especially with a newborn around.
My biggest concern with TV time is that I don’t want it to take away from active activities or learning opportunities. As long as it doesn’t do that I’ve become cool with it (although I started out much like you and Raffi had never watched a single thing before his sister was born).
Sabrina says
I also feel like I need to say that the tv is NEVER on unless they are sitting down watching something. We never use it for background noise, I never watch TV in front of them, and we often play music instead.
And on a normal day the only tv they usually get is before my day starts. I just can’t deal with the early wakeups while I’m this pregnant!!
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says
I love ALL of these, Sabrina! Great ideas 🙂
Nicole says
With my almost-6-year-old, I’ve been pretty lenient about tv and screen time in general. I only have her to base my experience on but it does seem like when it’s not a “thing”, she watches some and then finds other things to do. Sometimes it’s on in the background while she colors or whatever but I have yet to see any negative results. She’s super smart, does well at every aspect in school, is social, physically active, etc. In fact, a lot of times I’m thankful for the programming available these days. It’s entertaining for kids but introduces new concepts, vocabulary, etc. I believe conversing with her about what she’s watching really re-enforces those things.
Since she’s in kindergarten now 5 days a week, we watch a lot less than say, during vacations or before she went to school. She does sometimes , but knows she has to do her “after school” routine before any screens. I struggle the most with the iPad. My aunt gave her an old hand-me-down so she uses it too. But along with playing dumb games, she does things like Khan academy on her own, reads e-books,etc.
Sorry I have no real tips, just my own experience but maybe it’ll help!
xx
Nicole says
Oh, I wanted to add that we have definite times when screens are not allowed, period, like in restaurants, on short car trips (3 hour trips to grandma’s is a long trip), right before bed, etc..
Heather says
I feel like we have a major TV problem happening at our house. It’s the first thing our preschooler asks for in the morning… probably because we started giving in a while ago when he started waking up super early and we needed to get ready for work. We justified it to ourselves because he was learning and often he gets up to play with other toys and eat breakfast and isn’t completely engrossed. However, then came movies in the evening… once again, he wasn’t sitting the entire time, but it’s way too much TV. Thanks to the weather warming up, I’ve been able to distract him by opening the doors and getting them outside. He has also had trouble staying in his room/bed at night so we’ve told him, sure you can sleep on the floor, but you don’t get TV tomorrow. (‘m actually thrilled when he’d rather sleep on the floor than watch TV). We’ve gone a couple of days without TV now, and plan on only allowing a little bit when it comes back. I figure he can watch a short episode in the morning, or something after preschool – maybe both if he’s really good that day. We do allow some Kindle time as well… we have a lot of educational games that I’m okay with him playing for short amounts of time, but it’s that or TV – not both.
Amy says
I have a two and a half year old and she is the same way! She constantly asks for “toons” it drives me nuts. I basically have no advice but it makes me feel better I’m not alone hah 🙂 im assuming most little kids are like this and it’s something they kind of outgrow? (Assuming you don’t leave the tv on all day). Who knows…toddlers present us with all sorts of challenges! Hah
Jaclyn says
I fret about TV time with my 2.5 and 1 year olds too, even though it adds up to less than 2 hours a day. I let them watch a show at 8 am (Dinosaur Train) and again at 4/4:30 (Thomas or Sprout channel) so I can start prepping dinner. It helps to have set times because when my son begs to watch during the day I can tell him, “it’s not time yet!” That helps immensely because he knows what to expect and knows it’s consistent.
On sick days or bad-weather days, I bend the rules, and we watch during the day and they know it’s special. Try not to stress out! I don’t know how your family was growing up, but my parents never restricted TV for me and it was pretty much on all afternoon when I got home from school. I don’t think it had a negative effect because I was a top student and eventually went to grad school. Also…not sure about Hailey but I’m guessing she’s like my kiddos and starts playing while the show is on, so they’re not completely glued to the screen. You’re doing great!
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says
We’ve been fairly lax with TV in our house, and Lucas will be 21 months next week. Jay and I have always been pretty bad about keeping the TV on for background noise, and when he was really little we were much better about keeping it to a minimum.
At this point, he still will rarely sit and watch more than about 5 minutes at a time. He gets pretty excited about theme songs of shows and will watch that, but once it’s over, he’s back to playing. He’s always been such an active little guy, wanting to explore, so maybe that’s why we’ve been more lax about it? Because he never really just sits and watches?
Regardless, I know we should probably start thinking about this more because I know there will come a time where he likely will get more into it and will want to sit and just watch…lots of good ideas in these comments!
I’d also add, however, that he is obsessed with phones so we really can’t ever be on ours in front of him. We try to save phone usage (i.e. Disney Jr. App, a couple other learning apps) for “emergencies” (i.e., out a restaurant and he’s getting restless, or longer car rides, which he hates).
Great topic!
Kathy says
I totally understand and agree with you. My girls are 16 & 18 years old now, but we have always limited TV as well. And once they got in school our house rule was NO TV during the week. And to this day they follow that but the funny thing is, I don’t even have to tell you, what they do Friday after school. Come in the door, drop their backpacks and head for the TV! 🙂 UGH! I understand, they need a mental/mindless break. And sometimes on the weekends we are so busy that the TV never comes on then either. Like other things through trial and error you will find your balance and what works for you and your family.
Emily says
Yep, I understand! Parker was right at two before he even saw a single show. Now, second kid syndrome, Avery (22 months) has seen her fair share just because of big brother.
I don’t have any hard and fast rules, but I tend to “save” it for end of the day – the witching hours for us – around 4/5pm. Parker has had his QT in his room by then (like Hailey, he’s good at entertaining himself with trains and trucks and books for 2.5 hrs), but if he doesn’t nap (which is most of the time) he’s still pretty cranky around 4-6pm. So I allow TV in that time frame so he and Avery don’t bicker too much and he can relax and watch a couple shows while I prep dinner or whatever. I feel better about it knowing he’s going to go right to sleep at bedtime. Typically, we are out of the house between 3:30-5 (park, nature museum, whatever) 3-4x a week, but on the other days (or if it’s raining) 4-530 is TV time on and off.
(And could I have used more parentheses? ha!)
Lauren Brennan says
We typically let our son watch one show in the early morning, when we are still waking up and nursing our coffees. Then the TV is off for the rest of the day… Unless I need another 22 minute distraction in the afternoon while I take care of the baby or cook dinner. This usually works well. If he asks for TV any other time, he knows the answer will be “no.”
Aaaaaaaaand then there are days like yesterday when we had a movie and TV marathon because all of us were sick with a stomach virus! I felt so awful that I couldn’t feel guilty.
Colleen C says
Give her TV tickets. One or two per day. One on school days, two on home all day days. Hand them to her at breakfast and give her a few options for time of day that she can choose from to watch them. (So she isn’t asking at dinner if you don’t want her to watch then.) or if you want to keep her to one episode try 10 minutes on your phone/iPad. There are SO many educational apps. Endless Alphabet/Reader/Numbers are my favorite and have helped to teach both my kids their letter sounds! I think try to relax a little (not all the way) and that will help her relax about it. I also like to think of it where at the end of the day or the end of the week we all just want a little time to zone out – kids need that too! Their little brains are working hard!
DJ says
We do not have strict tv rules with my 3.5 year old. Most mornings we watch Daniel Tiger while we have breakfast & get ready for the day. On days she has preschool, she usually has a snack in front of Paw Patrol once we get home. Somedays the tv stays on for a few hours while we do puzzles & crafts together or while she plays in the living room and she’ll really only pay attention when a song comes on. I do find that once the tv is on it can be hard to turn it off and transition into playing in a quiet house so shut-off time needs to coincide with leaving the house for errands, play in the yard or another distraction like baking cookies. The shows we stick to are the PBS shows, Nick Jr & Disney Junior shows.
We have no-kid TV after dinner, sometimes she’ll snuggle on the couch with me or my husband while we all watch Big Bang Theory or a basketball game for a little bit before bed. We rarely have a ‘grown-up’ show on any other time of the day. My daughter can be playing nicely in her room but once she figures out that I’m folding laundry in front of HGTV she’ll ask me to change it to a cartoon.
Screen time beyond the living room tv (our only television) is very rare & special treat. My daughter turns into a zombie while watching a show or movie on the laptop or phone/tablet. She ‘checks-out’ from everything else and just sits still glued to the screen and there is guaranteed to be a fit once it gets shut off. Something about being so close to a small screen sucks her in and she tunes out anything going on around her which is why we avoid it.
Sherri @ Adventures of Love and Marriage says
My son is only 16-mo old right now and really doesn’t show much interest in tv…yet. He does like Mickey Mouse and we turn on 1 episode right after we get home from work/daycare so that he can sit and watch it while I cook. He really only sits through 15 mins of it before he is off playing with something. I usually have the tv on for background noise but it always on the news or something that he doesn’t find entertaining and I think that has helped him not view the tv as some “magic cartoon box.” He never really pays it any attention when it is on because I still get on the floor with him playing while it is on in the background. When he is a bit older, I plan on still only doing 1 cartoon after daycare/school, as it really does help me while I cook, but after that, no more. I love the idea some people had of Friday night as “family movie night” for more of a treat if they are demanding/requesting more tv.
Rachel says
I don’t have any hard and and fast rules on “screen time”. My kids (3 and almost 6) like to relax a little after school with some cartoons and that’s fine. Even when the TV is on, they usually end up playing together rather than sit like zombies. We have the benefit of living in Arizona so most days I can send them outside to play. Lately they’ve been really into the Planet Earth shows, and we all sit and watch them together, which is fun!
I try not to overthink this parenting thing. 😉
LaToya says
Both my kids LOVE Yo Gabba Gabba and have since they were about 4 months. I don’t freak out over how much they watch because they watch it a lot, but they are watching educational kid’s things like Sprout.
I joke that it is our babysitter because it helps me get through cleaning and cooking. My 3 year old has a tv in her room!
I think there are enough things to worry and freak out, and measure their happiness.
Don’t be so hard on yourself!
Beth says
I have a 3 year old and an 11 month old. I let my 3 year old watch 2 Daniel tiger shows during my 11 month olds morning nap. Most days she still will ask first thing in the morning if she can watch a show and I always say the same thing”when henry takes his nap” and she’s fine with it beciasw I think it’s predictable and a schedule for her that she knows. She doesn’t ask to watch tv at other times. Occasionally she might ask to watch a princess movie but I usually say not today or another day. We do watch a movie here and there every other week or so. But she knows it’s a treat and seems fine with that.
On the other hand she drives me nuts with asking to listen/watch frozen songs Rapunzel songs on you tube! 😉
But I can usually get away with her just listening to songs and I’m fine letting her do that for hours on end !
Marnie @ SuperSmartMama says
Great discussion topic! I know I will be reading all the comments on this topic for the next couple of days…
We are also the type of family to not have tv on in the background. In fact, we don’t have a television anywhere on our main floor, nor do we have any TVs in any of our bedrooms (I had to fight my husband to win this one). We have our media room and that has the TV in it, so when we are going to watch, we do it as a family (or without the kids).
Where I do struggle is when we eat out. We’ve conditioned our son to expect a movie or cartoon after he finishes his meal at a restaurant. We’re slowly trying to work him out of this habit and I can’t say it’s going well. ;->
I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s comments!!
Karen says
My son is almost 3 and didn’t watch tv until he was almost 2. As a stay-at-home working mom, it was almost a necessity. I don’t mind it though. He is well-mannered, speaks well, and I can control what it is. As adults, we like to unwind by watching tv, so I have to remind myself that sometime they like to unwind too. He watches Mickey Mouse club and Jake the Pirate the morning and then at night, after the sitters, dinner, and his bath, we may watch another episode or now that it is baseball season we will watch an inning of baseball. I think there is a balance, but no parent is doing anything wrong or doing their child a disservice if there is a balance. That is life 🙂
Allison says
First best of luck with this! I just wanted to say these post are awesome- as someone that is expecting their first little one I have decided instead of spending this time reading 17 million pregnancy books I am going to read parenting things. I do have one book i am going to read for pregnancy but I feel like the little one will be here then I will be like now what?!
Just wanted to you to know these posts are awesome 🙂
Melissa says
right now we have the opposite going on. After a painfully long winter my son wants nothing but to play outside! But we do get whining and repeated requests for preferred activity.
You could try a “tv ticket” that she can cash in when she chooses. It gives her a little control and sets a limit.
Emily says
Your idea makes sense–makes it less of a slot machine style random reward and more regular.
I really wish my brothers and I had had limited TV time–as far as I remember we could watch as much as we wanted–and I can’t believe how much time I could have spent reading (which I did still do a lot of), playing outside, doing crafts, just exploring and playing that I instead wasted mindlessly in front of a TV. Honestly I feel like it took me longer to figure out what I liked and wanted to explore as an adult as I didn’t do it as much as a child. Best of luck!
Josephine says
I feel your pain. My 3 year old always asks for the tv all the time too if we are at home. I think she is getting bored. My solution more playgroups and nursery school and set times for tv, in the morning and at night when I get dinner.
I let her watch when she wakes up and Mummy has coffee, then we turn it off and get dressed for playgroup. She is also allowed to watch whilst I cook dinner. However she asks for it whenever we are at home these days, preferring it to playing. However she now wants to be out all the time in preference to anything else including tv. So I have joined more church playgroups and we go every imorning, where she loves playing and dosen’t miss the tv because it isn’t there as an option and I started her at nursery school two afternoons a week. She really wants to play with other kids and be busier.
Kathryn Doherty says
That sounds frustrating! I’m with the schedule idea and it could quickly and easily turn things around for you.
I didn’t let M watch TV until she was 2. She’s almost 4 now and on days she watches TV, it’s during the time right before dinner. It lets me get food ready (as long as J – 20 months – doesn’t want to be held) and she’s allowed to pick the show. (Though we only have Sesame Street, Doc McStuffins and Curious George.) Sometimes she watches 15 minutes, sometimes 30. More often than not, she watches none because we’re out and about or busy playing and then it’s time to eat.
Luckily, she’s never asked to watch at another time of day. When she does bring it up, it’s just whether she can watch a little TV that day. Much easier to deal with.
So maybe you can implement that – explain that there’s going to be a special TV time each day and that’s when she can watch TV. Not at other times, just during her special TV time. And she gets to pick what she can watch (if that will work for you). And definitely you pick the time and do what will give you both some needed down time.
Hope that helps! Good luck!
Danielle says
My nephew is almost 18 months old. He mainly watches tv during naps and bed time. We used it to help train him to sleep through noise since there are 6 other people and dogs/cats living in our house. Since then it has also turned into a night light because he’s afraid of the dark. Most of the time he doesn’t even watch it since someone is always watching tv. He’ll run in and start dancing if he hears music, but then he looses interest.
Kate says
I have two girls (ages 3.5 and 1.5). My husband and I both work full time and so the girls are in daycare. We have a “no TV on school days” rule. We get so little time with them on weeknights that there’s usually just enough time for dinner, a little playtime, bath and books in the evenings. On weekends, we are a bit more liberal. They can watch one episode of Sesame Street or two episodes of a shorter show in the morning. While it’s on, I get as much work done as possible! If the weather is bad, we might pop in a movie after nap time. If they are sick or it’s a weekday where I am working from home, the “rules” kind of go out the window.
Kara says
I don’t have kids and I want way too much TV myself, so I’m not much help.
I work with people with special needs (mainly Autism), though, and having set expectations — a time of day, a length of time, etc — that you both agree to really helps deal with the things that they fixate on. Starting off each day, or in your case probably when you pick Hailey up from school, by saying, “here’s our plan for the afternoon. we’re going to do X, then Y, then you can watch TV for this amount of time, and then we’re going to turn the TV off and do Z.” That might help. But again, I don’t have kids so my advice doesn’t hold much water.
Tanya says
So we are not the only ones experiencing this? That is a relief. I loved reading all the comments and I guess if there’s one thing I’ve learned is no matter what we do our kids are going to ask for TV. while reading I was tempted to both cut it off completely or leave it on all the time. I am also exhausted from hearing TV asked for all day. I’m not sure what our solution will be but thank you for opening the conversation up.
Elizabeth evans says
We are not strict about the TV and my kids (& family) are really active and healthy. In fact, I think that the shows my little ones like (Little Einsteins, Super Why, Octonauts, Tree Fu Tom) have taught them a lot!
it doesn’t sound like your H just wants to sit & watch tv all day everyday. I think organizing your/her day to incorporate appropriate TV time would help set her expectations & she would stop hounding you.
Good luck & thx for sharing!!!!!!
…now how do I get my 14 month old spunky girl to stop screaming & crying while riding in the car? I think she hates being strapped down in her car seat.
Jennifer says
I honestly don’t see the big deal about TV. We have our TV on most of the day as background and honestly, my 2 year old hardly pays attention to it unless we have Mickey Mouse on, and even then it’s really only for the “Hot Dog dance” haha 🙂
I wouldn’t stress yourself out about it, there are far bigger battles to worry about. As long as she’s getting enough physical activity/outdoor time throughout the day, which obviously she is, I don’t see the harm in a little tv time each day. And it gives you much needed break! 🙂
Julia @ LordStillLovesMe says
During my senior year of high school, television was my best friend. We got Netflix and let’s just say…. I got my money’s worth. Hwoever, now that I am in college, I don’t have a TV and I LOVE it. I have much more free time and I almost feel liberated. It is wonderful to know that I am not just lying around for hours blankly staring at a screen. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my Scandal and Amazing Race, but I am less tied to needing to waste some hours. It is incredible, and I think you have a great mindset toward it all!
I don’t have any advice seeing as though I am childless, but I do have to say- You are a GREAT mom. I think a little TV is not harmful. You are raising some fantastic girls, and a little TV sometimes to give you a break is completely valid. 🙂
When I was in elementary school, I was given an hour of television each day. I was given the opportunity to choose when I wanted it. I could watch a half an hour in the morning before school, or I could watch an hour at night before bed. I could split it up any way I wanted, but if it ever got in the way of homework, I would get it taken away from me for a week. My parents gave me the responsibility of choosing when I was going to utilize my hour, and I think that really taught me a lot. I had to prioritize (am I watching Lizzie Mcguire or That’s So Raven? Oh gosh, I sound so silly), and make some decisions that my seven year old self had to think long and hard about.
I don’t know if that would help, but I just thought I would share what my parents did!
Erica says
We have the same issue with our son, who just turned 3. It was bad when he was about 2.5. We both work and sometimes it’s necessary, especially when parent is out of town for work. He started to ask to watch a show first thing in the morning EVERY DAY and we were having a big fight about it for him to come to breakfast during a show. Ultimately, we started leting him watch a show, no questions asked, every morning. He knows that he gets a show, and it causes a lot less fights.
We also then started working on PAUSING the show for him to come to breakfast if it is ready before the show is over. This caused some tantrums for a few weeks but now that he is old enough he understands that the show WILL start again and he’s much better about it.
I think the key is setting up reasonable expectations and having a certain time of day when she can watch that she knows is allowed will help. It did in our case!
Chantal says
I let my three year old watch too much TV, I’m sure, but sometimes it’s the only way to keep her out of my hair. I’ve long since given up the guilt over it. She’s well-rounded, super smart, and very active. We usually watch a few shows in the morning while I’m trying to wake up, and then we go about our day, and after nap she gets a show or two… usually while I cook dinner. So it’s more than she SHOULD, but I don’t care. 😉
سی سی کم says
thank you
Kari says
Oh I know how you feel! We don’t own a TV but occasionally I let my son watch videos of himself on my iphone for 10 or 15 minutes. All hell breaks loose when I take it away and for the next 36 hours all he does is beg for more videos. It really drives me bonkers. I tell myself that I won’t give in but sometimes I need that bit of relief from the constant demands of toddlers. I’m still trying to figure it out!