This post is a bit late this morning because for some reason Hailey decided she wanted to say hello to me at 4:30am…and 5:00am. So once I got her back down, we both snoozed until 7:45am. It’s all gravy, though, it provided some inspiration for this morning’s post.
When I was pregnant I loved imagining what life with a baby would be like. Sure, I’d be tired those first few weeks, but after those sleepless nights, I knew I’d just relax on the couch with the baby and we’d both catch up on our zzz’s together. Ah, beautiful, ignorant bliss.
I quickly saw in the mirror what sleep deprivation will do to a person (it isn’t pretty), and I learned that I don’t do well without my solid 7-8 hours. Luckily I was blessed with a pretty great sleeper (knock on wood!).
Over the past 4.5 months, I’ve learned a few other things, too. Allow me to share…
I learned to trust myself.
You’re pregnant, you glow, you push and the doctor hands you a baby (or something like that 
) and then 2 days later you leave the hospital to raise that child on your own…. except every move you make is now on one side of an argument or the other. Example: “They” say if your baby sleeps more than 2 hours, you must wake her up to feed her. Personally, I never woke Hailey up to feed her and high-fived myself when she slept for 4 hour stretches. I felt comfortable with that because she was gaining weight, creating plenty of wet and dirty diaper and was very happy overall. However, I still fretted about whether my decision was the ‘right’ decision more than once, then realized that it was the right decision for me and my baby. And that’s all that mattered.
I learned to be more flexible.
I thrived on organization, a schedule, a plan for the day… then I had a baby. Don’t get me wrong, I still love those things, but I’ve had to learn how to not breakdown when Hailey gets a dirty diaper as we’re walking out the door or if she isn’t tired when the schedule says she ought to be. I’m learning more everyday about how to go with the flow and I’m so glad because whether I stress about it or not, things aren’t always going to go according to plan. So I might as well laugh instead of cry.
I learned that time flies by.
I love watching Hailey grow. It seems like everyday she learns something new, giggles a bit more and her hair grows a little longer. When I reached about age 24, I felt like time kind of stopped, that I wasn’t really getting any older; I was just chillin’ in my 20s. Then Hailey came and days started flying by. So did months. 4 and 1/2 months have flown by, to be exact. So even on the crazy days, the tired days, the grumpy days, in between my frustrations I remind myself how blessed I am to be here… sometimes I smile at the thought… and other times I mock my cheerfulness as I wash baby poop off my hands.
I learned that sometimes you just have to say screw it.
Guess what… we still rock our baby to sleep at night. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you, but many people believe that this is damaging because the child will never be able to put herself to sleep without assistance. It may sound silly, but these types of ‘facts’ haunted me for a while and scared me into thinking I was doing something wrong. I tried to justify it by saying that we don’t rock her at nap times, then realized, who am I trying to prove anything to? Guess what, my baby is growing up so quickly and it won’t be long before she won’t fit in my arms anymore. And watching her get sleepy and drift off into dreamland in my arms is incredible. Even more special is that usually Hubbs rocks her to sleep. I love that he has this special time with her because he works hard and doesn’t get to be around her all day like I do, so I don’t want to take that away because some ‘expert’ told me it might mess with her. So, screw it!
What’s one thing you’ve learned lately that you’d pass on to others?
Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength says
I love this post! I feel the same way about a lot of things. There are so many opinions out there on everything…feeding, bathing, rocking, etc and you have to do what works for you. I think a lot of mothering is based on instinct. For the record, I never woke Connor either and he’s been a good sleeper (and eater) too. 🙂 We also give him a bottle right before bed every night still and I’m not sure everyone would agree that’s a great idea, but it works for us.
Susan @ Real Life Travels says
I too was getting all stressed out about things, especially his sleeping patterns but you know what he may never sleep 12 hours a night without eating. Hell, most adults can’t go 12 hours without eating, why am I excepting my little one to? So I stopped looking at baby books and goggling everything and am now just going with the flow. It’s a lot better that way, I’m relaxed and just enjoying him. So, that’s what I’d tell a new mom.
Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine says
Thank you for re-iterating how I feel most days! Some days you just have to say screw it, if it’s working for your family than that is all that matters. I have been feeling especially pressured lately because Kherie has a cold and waking up quite frequently just needing her pacifier put back in because she spit it out when her nose got stuffy. There are so many articles and opinions out there saying that I am not helping her learn to soothe herself, but I’m sorry my lil’ girl isn’t feeling good and if that paci helps her than I am going to get up a million times a night to give it to her. And btw way we still rock to sleep at night and nurse before bed too, some nights it doesn’t take long, but others we might be in there 1/2 hour rocking or more. I am just choosing to cherish the time, because she is already wanting that less and less as she gets bigger! It goes so fast!
Brittany says
I feel the same way! I let Hailey ‘cry it out’ for about 5 minutes the other day, but when her screams escalated, I ran in and she was shaking. I just held her, rocked her and said I’d never do it again. Fussing is one thing, but all out screaming was torture.
Sejal M says
LOVE your comments on sleep. We nursed and rocked our first to sleep forever and he is an amazing sleeper who started putting himself to sleep just fine. He’s now 2 and sleeps so well!
My 3 month old gets fed and rocked in the rocker to sleep and I say – screw it too! It all works out! 🙂
Oh and we swaddled until like 6 months I think!
Brittany says
Oh, that’s so wonderful to hear that your son put himself down just fine. We are still swaddling too, which a lot of people have a problem with, but it’s working like a dream for us so… SCREW IT! 😉
Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine says
Yeah I have no clue how moms truly do any sort of CIO because we have gone maybe 5 minutes, and watched the clock the whole time and it was pure torture and I felt awful for doing it. Maybe it gets easier, but I don’t feel bad for being clingy 🙂
Katie @ Pop Culture Cuisine says
Ok so I didn’t mean to reply there, but I clicked the wrong button 🙂 But we are still swaddling at 4 months and we just saw the pediatrician yesterday and she said she would recommend it until at least 6 months if it is helping her sleep, which it is!
Heather S says
Avery Grace is only 4 weeks old but I’m already learning to adapt these thongs! I’m slowly breaking my google addiction and just letting us figure it out! Oh and she LOVES the blowdryer too, who would have thought?
Brittany says
Hairdryers are awesome!! And yes, put google away before you drive yourself bonkers 🙂 PS- Avery Grace is a beautiful name!
Lauren B. says
What a fantastic post! I’ve always been a rule follower and a schedule keeper, so I know I am going to have to say “screw it” on a few things as well when my little one comes. It’s great reading your perspective and insight. Thanks!
Katie @ Legally Fit says
This is such a beautiful post. I love it 🙂 I really cannot believe how fast time is flying. Almost a year ago I found out we were expecting, and here she is over four months old. It goes by so quickly!
Sabrina says
Ummm if Raffi LET us rock him to sleep I’d be all over that!
I need to learn to be more flexible. I am having a tough time with that.
Brittany says
You need to give yourself some serious credit, lady. 🙂 You are a kick@$$ mom and sometimes you’re so tough on yourself. Raffi is one lucky little man to have you as his mommy!
Sabrina says
oh and PS HAILEY IS ADORABLE! I love how sweet she is.
Stephanie says
Our daughter (a Haley as well) is 4 now and we always rocked her to sleep when she was an infant and we never had a problem with her putting herself to sleep once she was bigger. Now, I have to admit that we still have a bedtime routine that involves a lot of snuggling and takes a bit of time, we read 4 books every night and sing songs for a few minutes after the lights go out, but I wouldn’t change it for anything, and we’ve been doing this for the last few years. She still ‘puts’ herself to sleep after I walk out. Do not sweat the small stuff, there is nothing more precious or important then just spending time with your lil’ one. You are an amazing mom. I have really enjoyed reading your journey thus far and look forward to your posts everyday.
Brittany says
First, may I say that you have excellent choice in girl names…;) and second, I think your routine sounds lovely. I hope our routine in the future includes lots of stories and snuggling, too.
Jenny @ simply be me says
My son is 2 1/2 and is now in his impressionable phase. It is amazing how clear your own bad habits (biting my nails, my sometimes short fuse, etc.) become when you have a little person mimicking you. It has made me step back and realize the things I need to work on in myself and I actually love it. He really does make me want to be a better person and role model 🙂
maria @ a life to Bragg about says
i love this post so much! May have teared up a little 😉 And I totally agree with just saying “screw it” sometimes. Except I say the other version of “screw it” if you know what I mean haha. People can give you all the advice in the world but only you have the choice to decide whether or not you want to listen. It’s your child, only you know best!
Paulina says
I love this post. My baby is about the same age as Hailey. I laugh when I think back on my pregnant, naive, self and how I couldn’t wait for the baby to be born so I could sleep comfortably again! Ahahaha! Oh, and I’m still rocking/nursing her to sleep and swaddling. Right now my baby and husband are both quite sick, so I’m in super mom/wife mode. Whatever works is what I’m doing.
Jenny says
No one knows your baby better than you do so no one can tell you how to raise your baby. Suggestions are nice to hear and sometimes helpful but at the end of the day you do what works for you and your baby. The bond that you create with your child is pretty awesome and you’re right. Time seems to pass all too quickly with a little one. So cherish every minute!
Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) says
I really know nothing about babies, so I love reading your posts! They are preparing me for when I have a baby (few years down the line). Watching Hailey grow, even through the blog, has been such a blast! She’s my favorite little girly, she’s just so cute!
I think it’s great you make up what works for you guys. Some book doesn’t know everyone’s situation. Everyone is different, and I think it’s important to do what works for you guys!
Christie says
Amen, Brittany!!! =) I love this post. I agree with Jenny above. We, as the parent know our child best and, while advice is great to hear, we make the final decisions when it comes to our child(ren).
I loved your reasoning for rocking baby to sleep. We did the same with Riley (I think until about 4 months or so) and it was so hard when we did stop! Oh and not for her 😉
You just keep enjoying every second!
Annie @ Naturally Sweet Recipes says
Oh my goodness, what a sweet post. Your baby is so precious. I’m not a parent, so I can’t say from experience, but it sounds like the joys of having a baby far outweigh the hard stuff. Hope your enjoying every minute of it!
Lauren says
Awww, those pictures are precious 🙂 I was just talking to my mom about what it was like when I was just a baby and she said she absolutely adored it and often couldn’t get anything done because she just wanted to play with me. I hope I’m an equally doting mother some day.
Parita @ myinnershakti says
Love this post – especially your last point. There are lots of things people say you should and shouldn’t do in life, and I can only imagine how annoying that can get once you have a baby. You’re doing a great job – Hailey looks healthy and happy as ever!
And something I’ve learned lately is that more often than not, it’s not what you say but rather HOW you say it.
Katie says
Awww, sweet girl! And such a good post! I totally agree that sometimes you just have to say screw it and do what works best! (Also, I WISH so badly we had rocked my little girl to sleep…now she WILL NOT go to sleep unless we put her down awake, and I want to snuggle and rock her so badly at bedtime!)
marci says
I like the point about rocking to sleep. With just a few weeks left to go, I am puzzled by some of the things I read in Babywise about bad habits not to start. The other one the puzzles me is to not let your baby sleep on you and to not hold them while they sleep–put them in the crib. Seems so many of our friends are always carrying their sleeping babies.
Brittany says
I strongly believe it’s what works best for you. I’ve utilized some tactics from Babywise and Happiest Baby on the Block, and I imagine if Hailey was colicky or not a good sleeper, I’d look into following things more closely, but I feel like those books don’t acknowledge the human aspect of wanting to hold and snuggle your baby. So I just picked it over and used the tips that made the most sense to me. I’m so excited for you! Only a few more weeks, right??
Marci says
yes 34 weeks today, so sometime soon! thanks for the info.
Tina @ Best Body Fitness says
Definitely true! All of it. Especially cherishing time and how quickly it passes, as well as being more flexible. Those were both biggies for me.
Urban Wife says
I love reading your posts about motherhood! Even though right now I don’t have much use for them, I know that one day in the future I will need some good pointers from you. Thanks for sharing with us. And you’re right, just from seeing your daughter’s pictures here I can tell that time flies by ~ she has grown so much already! 🙂
ErikaMC says
As a first time mom of a 5 month old I am learning a lot. Aside from the things you mention I have also learned that you won’t know unless you try – will he sleep if we don’t swaddle him? what if he give him his bath after he eats instead? should we try gas drops? etc. It is all trial and error.
katie@newmamamac.blogspot.com says
this is an AWESOME post! i def. woke my son up every 2 hrs because i thought it was what i was supposed to do. i def. wont do it for the next because i dont think it is necessary. i agree that being a mom is all about instinct and what works for you and your baby. you know what is best for your baby and would never do anything to harm them.
Stellina @ My Yogurt Addiction says
I love this post! I totally agree with sometimes you’ve got to just say “screw it”! That’s so true! I mean of course we should obey the doctors orders, go to class, eat healthy etc…but other times we just need to go with our gut and trust that what we are choosing to do is the right thing to do!
Lindsay@Fuel My Family says
I did things so different with my second. I am more go with the flow and don’t worry about being home for every naptime. And it’s ok to let a baby cry for 5 minutes so you can get dressed or eat a meal. They’ll be ok and they won’t hold it against you!
Kristen @ The Concrete Runner says
I’m glad I’m not the only one still rocking my baby to sleep. I feel guilty about it because ‘they’ say not to, but it’s the best part of my day! I always set a time for how long I will rock with her – sometimes I put her down when she’s asleep, other times she’s awake. But she can fall asleep on her own if she wants to, so I’m not taking that time away from us!
blackhuff says
I learned from being a mother, to stop stressing about all things and just let the kids be a bit more “free.” I’ve always said “no” to having friends over or them going to friends but nowadays, they get times when they can visit or receive friends. I’ve become more relaxed 🙂
Sarah says
This is fantastic. I’m with you on all of it!
Amy@ahealthyandhappyheart says
Thanks for sharing this! I will be a first time mom in June and I love hearing about how life changes after baby..It always brings me to tears..happy tears 🙂