It feels like just yesterday I was talking all about baby-led weaning, but somehow I blinked and Hailey is 4 years old. Though 4 still seems feels so young, in other ways I’m embracing that she is becoming more of a little girl and less of a toddler. With that comes more privileges, but also added responsibilities, on both our parts.
On my side it means honing in on household rules and manners. One area I’ve focused on lately is mealtime so I thought I’d give you a peek into our dinnertime scene.
Chew with your mouth closed. Let’s be honest, is anything more unappetizing than eating across from someone grinding away at their meal with their mouth wide open? Maybe, but not much comes to mind. I started this rule early on and Hailey is pretty aware of it by now. Occasionally I’ll have to remind her by quietly pointing to my mouth while making eye contact with her, but usually she’s good at this one. In fact she is so hyper-aware of it that she has pointed out others to me that are chewing with their mouth open in public. It happened once at a restaurant and I about died of embarrassment when the patron next to us heard her state “mom, look! Chewing with mouth open!” Looks like I need to work on what is appropriate to say out loud and what isn’t next.
Ask for things politely. I overheard my friend Alison once saying to her daughter “we don’t start sentences with the words I want.” BOOM. I loved it and adopted the same rule from that moment on. We apply it to all scenarios, including dinner. Out of water? No problem, but instead of screaming I need/want more water or I’m thirsty, Hailey must ask for it correctly. May I please have some more water?
Stay seated at the table. Sigh. I’ll admit it guys, we’re terrible at this one. I probably have myself to blame, as I am always getting up to help Kaitlyn, filling requests for water/another napkin, cleaning up (guilty), etc, but Hailey truly does not make it through a meal sitting down. She’ll eat several bites, then hop up to come give me a hug. She goes to grab another bite then stands up and twirls around the table. I often write it off as an age-thing, but it’s probably something I should focus more on. Any tips?
Do not play with your food. I know I often talk about wanting the girls to explore their food, but there are some parameters on that. While we cook, yes, touch, smell and taste! When your 12 months old? Yes, use your hands! But at 4 years old and eating at the table, you are expected to use utensils to eat and not flick food around the table.
Ask to be excused. For as much as Hailey bounces between seated and standing during meals, she is aware that she has to have permission that the meal is over. Most often the last question asked is “Is your tummy full?” and if the answer is yes then we are working on her following up with “May I please be excused?” We certainly don’t have this one conquered yet, but it’s a work in progress and a rule I think is just good manners.
Help clear the table. After any meal or snack, Hailey is responsible for clearing her own plate. She throws yogurt containers and napkins in the trash, then brings her plate over to the counter next to the sink. I’ve been working on extending this to clearing the rest of the table too. She has to be reminded usually, but at this age she actually loves setting the table and clearing it if I ask her to.
No saying Yuck or Ew. This rule. This rule honestly is the most important to me. Maybe it’s a personal pet peeve, but I find it so rude when someone comments ewww or gross on a food that another person is eating. Perhaps it is because I eat some rather unique foods and have heard ew disgusting too many times myself, but it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.
Hailey just recently picked this little gem of a habit up (I’m guessing from preschool?) and I was quick to shut it down. I explained to her that saying yucky, ew or gross is disrespectful. To explain it on her preschooler level I told her it could hurt the person’s feelings that worked hard to prepare that food and just because something is different than what she is accustomed to doesn’t make it gross. I’ve explained to her that she can keep quiet if it’s something somebody else is eating, or if it is offered to her, she can simply say no thank you.
What dinnertime rules did you grow up with?
What dinnertimes rules do you feel are important to teach kids?
Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood says
Oh man. this is pretty much everything I strive for with Ryan. Obviously it’s a little hard to instill these in an 18 month old, but I try to emphasize them to set a foundation for later. I grew up having strict standards for manners at the table, why my husband, uhm, not so much, so it’s very important for our children to grow up with manners.
Kate says
This is a great list. Definitely bookmarking this for future reference, because we are still at the BLW-end of it. π
Maureen says
These all sound like the same rules we have around meal times at our home too, to which I would add that our children are expected to try a bite of everything and then are allowed to decide whether they like it or not.
And as far as the last point goes when my daughter (now 7) was in preschool they had a phrase “don’t yuck my yum” meaning don’t say a food is gross because another person likes it (and as you said it can hurt their feelings). This was particularly helpful at the time given that my daughter liked to bring guacamole packs and other “strange” snacks and the teachers were to quick to shut down any other kids making comments about it. Now 3+ years later our whole family still uses the “don’t yuck my yum” phrase.
Brittany Dixon says
Love that phrase and definitely will share it with Hailey. So catchy and perfect for kids. Thanks for sharing! π
brynn says
We had to eat half of everything that was on our plate (or more). But that was the only way my parents could convince us to eat our vegetables.
Samantha says
I love this! As far as the getting up from the table goes, we tell our girls that, “(insert child’s name)’s pockets stay on their seat until they’re done eating”. That way, they know that their pockets stay there even though mommy is running around helping everyone. If one of them gets up, I go all Love and Logic on them and say something like, “oh I see that you’re done! Here I’ll clear your place for you”. It doesn’t take them long to figure it out, and I don’t feel like I’m nagging at them to sit down the whole meal π
Brittany Dixon says
Haha I love the love and logic route! I do a similar tactic in other situations and you’re right, works like a charm π Thanks for tip with the pockets too- I like that method!
Christine says
You have some great articles regarding littles! And this is a good one! My little is only 12 months old but I’m currently trying to teach him not to throw his food on the ground when he is done eating (or not interested). Any tips!? I also want to instill in him the no “eewww” or “gross” comments. My husband currently does that with me!! (he doesn’t like mushrooms or olives but when I feed them to our son he says “thats disgusting”! Way to go Dad!) Oy.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh man the throwing food on the floor phase is so irritating! I went the route of no making a big fuss about it (no attention) and would just take the girls out of their chairs. If I didn’t have Koda there to happily clean up the mess, I might have gone crazy!
Christine says
We have a dog but he’s a picky eater! Didn’t think they existed but they do! When Bryce does start throwing, I ignore and say “all done?” and take him out of the chair. But we’ve been doing that for weeks, I need to change my game plan. Last nights throwing was a good one, flung some spinach on the dining room wall! (not on purpose, just had good aim!) I wanted to laugh but had to stay stone faced! hahaha
Lisa @ This Pilgrim Life says
I like the rule about not starting sentences with “I want”. We are focusing on that a lot around here too.
My boys (5 & 3) both do well staying seated at the table. I would suggest just being consistent. If it’s something you really want to change, make it a point to address it every time. My almost 2yo is like your daughter, though. She’s still a little young to come down on her hard for it, but she will return to her seat when she is asked. I think seeing her big brothers well help soon.
We also have a big rule about not talking with food in your mouth (big pet peeve). And another rule about not taking food without asking first (especially off each other’s plates).
All in all, I think that a little (okay, a lot) of effort now when they are young will make for much more enjoyable and quality meals together as a family!
Christen says
Several rules we always follow:
You can’t get down from the table until everyone has finished their dinner.
You must try a bite of everything on your plate (Mommy makes yummy food so everyone has to try everything!)
Heather says
I want to say I read that a 3 year old should be able to sit at the table for 5-10 minutes, and 4 year old more like 15 minutes and 5 and up 20 minutes. This is something we definitely try and work on as well as trying to get our son to help clean up and not say that food is “yucky” because I’m with you – it’s just rude. What we’re really trying to encourage is that they take at least 1 bite of everything, but I’m at a loss as to how to get them to actually do so….
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says
You and me both, Heather! My son is just over 2 years old, but trying to get him to try just ONE bit of something new is almost always a fail. I, of course, don’t want to be shoveling food down his throat so I can’t really force it. But it’s just like, c’mon buddy…onnnnneeee bite!!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh those time parameters are interesting! We are definitely not at 15 minutes, but it is nice that it gives me something to aim for. Thanks!
Melissa says
This is a great list! I remember most of these being enforced when I was a kid as well and I hope to have the same set of guidelines for my own children. Love all of the guidance and insight you provide to your daily journey through this whole parenthood thing!
I definitely think the asking to be excused from the table is the one I remember the most from my childhood. And I agree that the no saying “ew” or “yuck” is a great one that I’m going to have to remember!
Tami @ Have My Cake says
I love these!!! However, I cannot for the life of me get my daughter to stay in her seat during dinner. I try not to make a big deal about it, because I don’t want it to turn into her getting up just so that I pay my full attention towards getting her back into her seat, rather than participating in family dinner. I usually just try to get her to take bites of her food between laps around the table. π
If you end up finding a solution…please please share π
Brittany Dixon says
Ah, it’s always nice to hear I’m not alone! I totally do the bites between laps with Hailey too haha! Thanks for sharing π
Julie says
You’ve hit the nail on the head w/ all of these! Talking w/ your mouth full & making rude comments about others’ food are 2 of my biggest pet peeves. It’s amazing how many adults haven’t mastered these 2! My daughter is 16 now so it’s hard to remember, but I don’t recall having an issue w/ her getting up from the table during a meal (she was a pretty good eater & too interested in chowing down to be worried about getting up in between!), but that would have bugged me, too. I still have to reinforce that we stay seated until everyone is finished. I’m a Type A, & we have a really open floor plan so it’s all I can do sometimes, too, not to be tempted to start clearing while still being a part of the dinner conversation.
Julia @ Lord Still Loves Me says
I love the simple, βwe donβt start sentences with the words βI want.ββ I think that can be applied to all areas of life and extends beyond just the dinner table.
One rule I had growing up that I am grateful for was my momβs imposed rule of three bites. I had to give everything new three bites, and if I still didnβt want enjoy it, that would be okay. This was only for new, odd foods though, like goat cheese. Veggies were required. I remember sitting at the dinner being visually repulsed by goat cheese (I have no clue why!), but then my mom had me take three bites. Now, I LOVE goat cheese! So glad she did this for me.
Also, I would set the table and my brother would clear the table. It divvied up the chores equally and we never argued about it. Saving sibling arguments always made the house peaceful. π
SHu says
i like the list!
i just had to share that Annabel’s “polite” way of asking for things is: “Please may you bring me some water?” instead of “May I please have some water?”. It’s so cute I don’t want her to learn the right way to say it!
Giselle says
Great rules! We follow all of the above and our big one is try a bite of everything on your plate. If you really don’t like something, that’s fine but you have to at least try it. We’ve held strong to that rule since our son began understanding table rules and he’s now a really good eater. Even when it’s something he doesn’t want he’ll still try it without arguing π The number one rule for parents should be to stick to you guns!
KatieTX says
Soooo with you on not saying Yuck or Ew. I think is so beyond disrespectful to say something someone is eating is gross. Sorry I like brussel sprouts or other foods you may not like! I need to make sure I pass that along to my little ones.
Natalie says
My mealtime rules- when my three year old tells me she’s done after only a bite or two, I tell her to take one more bite. I really try not to make her “clean her plate” so this satisfies both of us. I also make her stay at the table until everyone is done eating (applied on the rare nights we eat as a family).
Emily says
I love the last one!! I’m definitely going to enforce this rule when I have kids one day. I understand exactly what you mean since I’ve always loved healthy foods and vegetables, and growing up would hate when anyone would say “ew” or “yuck” to what I was eating! Thanks for sharing. π
Heather says
Love all of your Munchkin Meal posts! What sort of rules do you have for Kaitlyn? Also, when do you start enforcing rules? My one year old is “selective” (loved your post about labeling your kid picky) so I try hard to give her something she will eat while still getting her to eat healthy. Lots of things end up on the floor or with a tantrum, but I am torn as to whether or not I should give her something else? I do not want to be a short order cook when she is older, but I also want her to eat dinner. Thanks for your help!
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks for the feedback! I don’t have a lot of hard rules for Kaitlyn, but do go by the same standard expectations. What I serve, is it. She can not have more or something different if there is still food on her plate (I always say we don’t waste food). However I always make sure there is at least one thing I know she will love on her plate. I think ruled got easier to start enforcing somewhere between 2-3 years old, but even at 4, they sometimes take repeating. I’m a big believer in that kids will eat when they are hungry, and limiting snacks so they eat better at meal times can help. Of course, each situation is different so if there are issues with weight gain or anything else, of course consulting with your doc is best. I hope this helps! π
John J. says
Congrats on your table eating rules. Wish more people would teach/observe/practice these rules.
JOHN J STATHAS says
Wish more people would do what you are doing to teach manners. You must have had good teachers!