Responsibility. It’s something I imagine all parents want for their kids, but how and when to go about instilling it isn’t always clear. In our house, there are some things expected of you simply because you are part of the family. Things like clearing your plate from the table and picking up your messes fall under the category of personal responsibility, not to be confused with chores.
Generally speaking, the girls do fairly well with personal responsibility. I wrote about the chores we had Hailey do when she was three years old, but looking back now, I would label most of those as daily responsibilities. I found it important to start building a solid base when the girls were between two and three years old. However, now that Hailey is five, we have tried to be more diligent about adding in regular chores, defined here as ongoing tasks that help the household. I’ve realized kids are capable of much more, much earlier, than I naturally give them credit for. Kaitlyn, though only 3 years old, takes part in chores too, but our expectations are not quite as high.
Chores are important because they make children feel competent and helpful, as they are contributing to the family in a real way. I’ve noticed firsthand that the girls actually misbehave and act out more when they don’t have purposeful work to do. Idle hands and all that I suppose. It makes sense because I know I feel more fulfilled and happier when I feel I am contributing something meaningful to our family. We don’t pay money for chores, but we do inspect the job they did and praise them on their effort and results.
I’ve also found it’s important not too use chores as punishment. Though I will certainly give them an extra job when they are acting out, I found it works better for us to use chores as a sense of personal purpose and pride rather than as a consequence.
When Hailey turns six, I believe we’ll implement an additional system for extra jobs that go above and beyond in which she can earn money. Hailey is increasingly interested in money, but I want to firmly establish the concept of personal responsibilities and age appropriate chores before introducing the idea of paid work. We talk about how mom and dad work to earn money to pay for things we need and want, and I want her to more thoroughly grasp this concept as she gets older without confusing it with the idea of basic tasks we do as contributing family members.
For now though, personal responsibilities and chores are unpaid but highly appreciated.
Age Appropriate Chores for Young Kids
Chores for Toddlers (2-3 Years Old)
Again, this age is really about building the foundation. This means showing the child how to complete basic personal responsibilities. Putting dirty clothes in the hamper, picking up toys, and clearing the table are tasks that are simple enough for an older toddler to start pitching in on. We’ve found an older toddler is also capable of a few chores beyond personal responsibilities:
- Using the handheld vacuum (we love ours) to suck up crumbs.
- Organize shoes by the door.
- Feed the family pet.
- Organize books and magazines on coffee table.
- Pick up sticks or gumballs in the yard and pile them up.
Chores for Preschoolers (4-5 Years Old)
While I’ve found a toddler enjoys chores and views them like a game, a 5 year old may begin to realize it’s helping you out and it feels like work. Though I try to keep things fun and lighthearted, chores are a necessary part of life, so though most days chores are done without complaints (and dare I even say sometimes done with pride?), it isn’t unusual for us to experience some pouting or protest. If you’ve experienced this to, push through! Like with anything in parenting, consistency is going to make all the difference.
- Spraying and wiping down windows.
- Wiping down stainless steel appliances in the kitchen.
- Match socks in clean laundry pile.
- Empty small trashcans.
- Organizing desks, coffee tables, other piles of stuff.
- Putting clean laundry in appropriate drawers.
- Clean the baseboards.
- Sweep the floors. (We have a kid broom set to make things easier)
- Help carry in lighter groceries.
- Bring in the mail.
Chores for Early Elementary (6-7 Years Old)
Though we aren’t at this age range ourselves yet, I hear 6 years old is the turning point in which kids are able to contribute in real, meaningful ways. I can see this on the horizon for us, which keeps me focused on continuing to build the expectation of chores at the younger ages.
- Wipe out bathroom sinks, vanities, and mirrors.
- Empty the dishwasher.
- Retrieve mail or trashcan from the street.
- Vacuum and dust.
- Weed the flower beds.
- Clean out the car.
- Learn to use the washer and dryer.
- Help fold laundry.
- Water the garden.
*In all cases, I feel it’s important to walk through each chore thoroughly with a child, sometimes more than once, before just having them do it. I want to make sure the girls clearly understand how it is done and what kind of result is acceptable.
Let me be the first to point out that instilling the age appropriate chores responsibility, in the beginning, is more work for you, the parent. It takes some time to establish expectations and may also take a few times showing them how to do it. But much like any part of parenting, consistency pays dividends. Once children understand that helping around the house is part of their household responsibility, the whining will decrease and the result will be kids that are actually helping keep the house pulled together (hallelujah!).
David has implemented an additional step to chores that I found really interesting. After the girls finish their chores, he has them each show the other what she did, then to come and tell us about what the other person did before we inspect. He said it was something he did growing up in Boy Scouts, and though I didn’t really get it, I do now. I see the girls each get a look of pride in their eyes, getting to show off their work, and I got all the warm and fuzzy feels as I saw them tell each other “you did a good job.”
Whew, that’s a lot of chore talk, but it’s something we’ve been talking about a lot around our house lately.
I’d love to hear from you moms out there!
What chores am I missing?
What tips do you have for implementing age appropriate chores and responsibility in your household?
Laura says
Great list. We don’t use money as a reward for chores or household responsibilities very often, instead we really try to convey the message of how helpful and kind the act of helping out is to us, as the parents. We want our daughter to be intrinsically motivated to help, regardless of the outcome. However, it can be a challenge for the the clean freak, type A personality in me not to redo some of her work!
Brittany Dixon says
You hit on my favorite phrase: intrinsic motivation! It’s a passion topic for me, so I very much agree with you. I’ve also been guilty of going back once they are in bed and “fixing” some of their work π
Erica says
We are still on the “pick up toys” step (my son just turned 2). He loves to pick up the seasonal gumballs – thankfully not in our yard! – but the nature trail in our neighborhood is lousy with them π We are really working on the concept of responsibility for things like making a mess, throwing food he doesn’t want, etc…that someone has to clean it up. Consistency and patience! Reading your post, I think we really need to start structuring his day a little more to include some more useful tasks!
Brittany Dixon says
Oh my gosh those gumballs are my nemesis!! We have them in our yard and they drive me crazy. I think come fall I’ll pay the girls a penny a gumball just so I don’t have to step on them- ha!
Heather Warner says
My 2.5 yo loves to dust with the swiffer duster!
Kathy Weiss says
I love the using of the term – Personal Responsibility. It certainly seems to put things in a different perspective and still gets the job done. π
Heather says
These are all really great ideas! I’ve noticed that there are times when my kids do enjoy helping out, I just have to give enough direction. They love using the Swiffer duster for dusting, though, and because we have cats they will also often help feed them and give them water. I think we as parents have not been diligent enough in teaching our kids some of the more basic responsibilities and that’s something we have to work on. The biggest being putting away toys, but I also think we need a better way of organizing them. I don’t suppose you’d want to do a post on how your organize your girls’ toys and manage cleanup??? π
Brittany Dixon says
Um I throw it all away. I’m only half-kidding! We recently did a thorough clean out of our playroom and donated a ton of old toys and threw away old/broken ones. It has made a HUGE difference. I bought some organizing drawers from Ikea and since we did the deep clean, the girls have been really diligent about putting things back where they belong. We’ll see how long it lasts, but I think having less and everything having a place really is working for them (and me).
Katrina says
Our 3 year old uses plastic kid plates, bowls and glasses for his meals. These are kept in a cabinet that he can easily access, so when he is near when making his food, we request that he picks out his plate for the meal and also cup for his drink. We also ask him to set the table with forks and spoons for the family. He gets so excited at being able to help. Lastly, we also ask him to help put away his plates, glasses and then cutting boards from the dishwasher when he is around during unloading.
Brittany Dixon says
Oh my gosh, why have I never thought to put all their plates and cups where they can reach it?! (smacks forehead) My kids are climbing on the counters to get it- haha! Love your suggestion, thanks!
Taryn says
Great post! And so timely for us as well! Both kids enjoy helping with all things garden-related (and really anything outside). I’m excited for when they can start mowing the lawn! We have a list of “chores” that the kids need to accomplish every morning before we leave the house (get dressed, make bed, brush teeth, and carry backpack to the car). I definitely want to add cleaning the kids’ bathroom to my son’s chore list (just turned 6).
We never got paid for chores growing up, and never got an allowance. My parents told us “you live here, so you will help out” but in return if we wanted something reasonable they would buy it for us. Not sure what camp we will be in as the kids get older.
montessoriishmom says
I love this! When I taught in a Montessori classroom (3-6 year olds), caring for the environment was an important part of what the children did and many of them loved doing it. Having child-sized tools, clearly organized, really helps even little kids be able to participate (This website has great children’s tools: http://www.forsmallhands.com/). Some things they loved included using a little spray bottle to clean the tables, using a spray bottle and small squeegee (from Home Depot, meant for car windows) to wash windown, setting the table, caring for plants (watering, dusting leaves, picking off dead leaves), and flower arranging (we’d have a big vase of inexpensive grocery store flowers and they would select, cut, and arrange them in little vases to put around the classroom). I couldn’t agree more about chores not being a reward or a punishment, but instead an important part of being a member of a community. Great post!
Kristin says
I love this! Our 2.5yr old helps to unload the dishwasher (after breakables and sharp objects are removed), Swiffer the floors, put her clothes in the hamper, help put laundry in the washing machine, and “help” poop scoop (i.e. she finds and points out the poop for us to scoop). She also gets her dishes from her cabinet for meals and usually puts her dishes in the sink (unless there is a lot left that will spill). She also cleans up any of her own spills. I’m thinking of having her start to clean the sliding glass door once a week too since I think she will think it’s fun getting all the dog nose smudges off!
JOHN J STATHAS says
Terrific post about a very important parenting task. You’ve clearly put forth the rational for developing personal responsibility and being a contributing family member. I like your age appropriate list and David’s add on concept. Good luck for the teen years!
Brittany Dixon says
I was taught well when I was a kid! I guess all that emptying garbage cans, wiping the baseboards, and putting up laundry you and mom had me do sunk in π
Elizabeth says
My SILs have lots & lots of kids. 4, 5 and 7 kids in the larger families! Their houses are surprising clean and I can’t wrap my head around how (I have a 5y, 3y, and 3m old). Each of them tell me that they have the kids clean the house. It’s not like child labor, they’re all contributing to the household, and the kids take pride in it! Right now my “big kids” are helping out in ways similar to yours. I also have them vaccum under the kitchen table & clean their table area after each meal.
As always, thank you for putting this info out there to share & remind me that I’m not alone!
Brittany Dixon says
Hey right now it’s all about building the basics. I’m excited for when people say age 6 is when it starts making a real difference. That’s going to be amazing! π
Chantal says
How do you GET them to do it? I have a very strong-willed kid, who just says no and walks away. Like… what do I even do then? lol
Brittany Dixon says
Haha, Oh I’ve experienced this on some days when they are feeling a little too big for their britches π
Usually I pull them aside and speak softly (that’s how they know it’s serious) and tell them that this is their contribution to the household and if they don’t listen when I tell them they need to do it, there will be a consequence. If they call me on it, I start taking things they love out of their room. They straighten up real fast!
Brittany Dixon says
Thanks for sharing Lindsey! I love what you said about the joy of serving others. We’ve often had to explain to Hailey that Kaitlyn is younger and while she does contribute, she is still learning. I love how you phrased it!
Sherry says
Great post. Liked David’s input too with showing the other one what they did. We all want to be appreciated for what we contribute. I may be moving the kids dishes to a lower location;)
Ashley N says
Hi Brittany! My question for you is a little off-topic. My supervisor is having a baby girl, due in November. She has a two-year old son and has most of the “basics” for newborns. I’d love to get her some adorable baby girl clothing, but are all of the cute dresses unrealistic?! Was there anything you wanted/needed when you were pregnant with your second? Are cute clothes really on the radar for a new mom? π
Whitney says
I sent this blog post to my husband! He asks almost daily when we can put our 6 month old son to work! Ha π
Bethany says
I love this post! Teaching with responsibility and no entitlement is not important! We make our 15 month old pick up his own toys and put them in the toy box. He gets so excited! We go back and forth on what to do about money and chores as he gets older.
Samara says
Hi Brittany,
Great post. I have a two year old, so I’m starting to think about the best ways to teach her responsibility. It’s interesting that you think kids are capable of more than we give them. At the moment, my daughter is kind of hot and coldβone day she’ll pick up all her toys and the next day she won’t, one day she’ll feed the dog and the next day, no way. I will have to stick with it, it’s so important! Anyway I love the way you laid everything out here by ageβvery helpful!
Samantha Green says
I love your article Brittany! It’s good that you share these chores appropriate for their age. While they’re still young it’s important to introduce them on household chores, they will become responsible and learn that helping others is what matters most too. I understand your point, but some parents give them rewards like money, it helps them to learn about saving and money management. I guess parents have different ways on how they will discipline their child π Great content by the way!
Amelie says
Thank you!
Itβs so true that we need to implement responsibility into our children early on.
I have 3 sons-2, 3 and 4 years old. Since the 1 year old I teach children to help around the house and self-care. I use the Manini app for three children. It’s like printed chores cards, but in a phone. In the app, you can mark the completion of tasks, and children like it very much. And the app has a goal Board that lists all household chores and self-care for children under 5. The older child can already do almost everything, that is, almost 40 skills))). And I like it so much that they get carried away and resort to asking for more tasks.