Kaitlyn is three years old and still feels very much like my baby, despite her ability to talk, run, feed herself (some days), and forego diapers. Hailey is 5 (and a half- that’s very important) and still feels like my baby too, even though some days the depth of her insight or the accuracy of her memory astound me. I’m beginning to see that things may always feel that way; that I’ll be the 70 year old woman that still refers to them as “my babies,” just like I do today.
However, logic (pesky and always getting in the way) tells me that the true baby days are behind me. I’ll probably never feel the butterflies of a positive pregnancy test again or experience once more the deep anticipation of wondering when labor will begin. Well, for me labor never began anyway (Hailey’s birth story / Kaitlyn’s birth story), but I digress.
Baby Kaitlyn; still feels like yesterday!
Coming to this realization was not easy. I’m not talking about deciding whether we were complete with two children, as that was somewhat OK for me to wrap my head around, but the baby phase being over? That concept was hard. I felt like I had reached so many of my life’s anticipated milestones, and what possibly could be left after babies?
Dramatic? Yes, but that shouldn’t surprise you if you’re a long time reader.
However, now I am in a place where I feel really good about where we are as a family. I cheer for friends announcing their third pregnancies (and beg for dibs on newborn snuggles) but the personal baby fever vibes no longer overwhelm me. I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d ever reach this place, so I’m really happy to say that I have. At least 98% of the time. There are a few things that have helped me transition in accepting that the baby phase is over.
Hanging out with other friends that are past the baby phase.
The beginning phase of motherhood is a funny place to navigate. The days can feel lonely and isolating and I gathered a lot of support and strength from moms in the same stage as me. I remember holding Hailey at 2 months old and being completely unable to identify with the mom at the store with her 5 year old. I remember thinking how far away that seemed. I needed to bond with moms that were also fighting clogged ducts, sleepless nights, and nap schedules.
Now here I am with young kids (not babies) and have noticed how much I still benefit emotionally from being with other moms in the same place: moms trying to figure out which preschool or kindergarten class to sign their children up for, how to best handle sibling squabbles, and finding the balance between free play time and scheduled activities.
This is not to say I don’t benefit from being friends with women in all of life’s stages (including my no-kid ladies!), but spending some time around the women that are in the same family stage as me is really therapeutic.
Getting Excited About the Phase We Are Entering Into
Do you know what happens when both kids are potty-trained? You don’t have to lug around diapers and wipes! When both kids can eat regular food? You can snag a bite from anywhere! When naps aren’t as necessary? You have a WHOLE DAY to get out and do stuff. It’s cool guys, very cool.
For example, yesterday the girls and I skipped rest time and went blueberry picking instead!
While a small part of me wants to be sad about missing the snugly baby phase, the other part of me is loving this new world of possibilities appearing before us. We have a boat ride up the Catawba River on the summer to-do list, camping on the fall list, and a whole lot of other fun activities in between. Being able to get out and do stuff with our kids is a pretty exciting new development.
Remembering Who Came First
I assume it’s pretty obvious that my kids are my world and being a mom is pretty much my favorite thing ever. But before them, there was me, Brittany, with a long list of interests all my own. And there was us, David and Brittany, an adventurous duo who loved long conversations and romantic nights out (our idea of romance is a brewery, so that statement is fairly subjective).
Oktoberfest in Munich circa 2010
Without having to worry anymore if the baby will take a bottle, we can now get a sitter and concentrate on continuing to strengthen our relationship as husband and wife. Now that dependable bedtimes are a thing, we know we have time to spend together, enjoying each other, sharing our days, and planning our future.
God-willing, the girls will continue to grow and thrive and live out the wonderful lives that they create. I want to be there to cheer them on, support them, and love the fool out of them, but I also want to be OK watching them go and live their lives while I continue to live mine with the love of my life.
Overall, I think what it really boils down to is this: focusing on the good that is in the life stage I am currently experiencing. There are always challenges; but there is also always something to love. Being that the only constant is change, I keep it top of mind to enjoy where I am while I’m there, because tomorrow I’ll be in a new place with new obstacles and new joys.
So my baby days may be behind me, but I still believe that the best is yet to come.
Have you struggled with anything similar?
I always expected to feel this overwhelming sense of “we are done!” like I’ve heard other moms describe, but similar to how I’ve heard you’ll just know when the right time to start a family is, I’m not sure I ever felt or will feel that. I feel overwhelmingly grateful for the family I have and the feeling of completion has slowly grown on me over the past three years.
How did you know (or do you?) that your family is complete?
Was it difficult for you to decide or was it an overwhelming feeling?
JOHN J STATHAS says
Great blog. Particularly liked the emphasis of finding the good in whatever phase of life you are experiencing. You certainly ARE in a super phase!
Jess says
I’m in the same phase with girls who are 5 and 3.5. I agree with it all, and love what comes with being out of the baby phase. I’m still so undecided about adding a third, I don’t want to look back and regret not having one more, but stress that resources would be spread too thin with one more. I’d love a post or some thoughts about what made you stop at two kids.
Brittany Dixon says
What made me embrace being done at two kids is pretty unsexy: logistics. We want to do things as a family (travel, lifestyle) and provide certain things that just make more financial and logistical sense with two. I also love watching their sister bond grow and love the direction their relationship is going in. Obviously it’s such a personal decision for each family, so we really tried to talk with each other without outside distractions and influence, to decide what WE wanted so when people comment however they will, that I’ll know we examined all angles and made a decision that fit our personal situation. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t emotional, and I’ve cried several times over the years at the thought of no more babies, but that hasn’t stopped me from feeling that it’s still the right decision for our family’s life plan/goals. Good luck to you in making the choice that best fits your family!
Heather says
Once again, I love your post! I actually am working on one about why “one” is the magic number for me. My husband and I have always wanted just one, and now that Gavin is almost 3, it’s so easy and I can’t imagine starting over. It can be difficult to explain our reasons to others (we have several), and frustrating when people insinuate that we will change our minds or feel badly. One may not be ideal for everyone, but we love it!
Michelle says
I’m in the same boat as you! My only baby just turned 3. Some days my heart aches for another baby but most days I’m happy to have those days behind us. I do however struggle with the guilt of not giving her a sibling. I think that’s my biggest hang up. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.
Michelle says
I forgot to mention that I’m 38 and my husband 40. So that’s also a big factor in my decision to stop at one.
Heather says
Michelle, my husband and I are the exact same ages as well! Actually, age is less an issue for me than other things. My mom had me at 40 (I am the youngest of 6!), and my doc said a huge percentage of her practice is women over 40. So, I could roll with being an old man. I do feel badly about the sibling thing, and if my son was more timid I would be more concerned. However, he is SUPER social with neighborhood friends, cousins, and he goes to daycare. I also like the fact that we will be able to do so much more with him if we have one, which will really strengthen our bond as a family. And the finances are no joke. I have friends with 2-3 kids, but they are not planning on shouldering any college expenses. My husband and I, on the other hand, would like to foot a majority of the bill. Honestly, we really can’t afford more than one….not the way we want to do it.
Sarah says
Wow. This post really speaks close to my heart. I’m not exactly at the exact same spot that you are, but I am almost there! I have two kids, ages two and four, and we are about 95% sure we are not going to have a third child. Ever since my youngest was born I have slowly been getting better with accepting that fact, especially since it makes sense for our family for financial and practical reasons. But it is really hard to accept the fact that the baby days are over! I cherished those so much. The other thing I struggle with is thinking of my kids as adults. I come from a family of three kids and I can’t imagine not having both of my brothers since as adults they are now two of my best friends. I think of my two kids and sometimes wonder if it would be nice to give them another sibling to add to their “pack”. But then I just try to remind myself of all the reasons why we’ve decided to not have a third, and I remind myself that I can devote all my love to my two children. This is definitely a difficult topic, but thank you so much for your helpful post!
Amy says
My husband and I always wanted two kids. We now have a newly three year old and a seven month old. My family feels complete but I’m still sad that pregnancy and the newness of it all is over. It took us years to start and complete our family as we struggled with infertility and miscarriage, but I wouldn’t trade any of that because it brought me my two boys. I won’t miss the sleepless nights of having a newborn but I’ll miss the new love that stage brings. I look forward to no naps so we can have more flexibility with our days although mama needs that afternoon break when both boys are sleeping! So even though we always knew we’d stop at two, it still feels sad to be done.
Cassie says
I love this reminder. We are in that murky not sure place. We have a 21 month old and I’d like another. However that first year of having a baby was the hardest in my life. Add in the financial stress, and I’ll be happy with whatever path we end up one. Likely one or two kiddos. My great mom lesson is presence, and I practice it every day now.
Heather Warner says
It is so interesting to read this post because I am about to enter into the baby phase again and I am dreading it…I love that my 2.5 year old can communicate (most of the time), can skip a nap without going nuts, sleeps through the night, can entertain herself, enjoys and embraces family outings. Going back to the newborn phase terrifies me – mainly because my first was a very hard infant for me. This post makes me wonder if I will feel the same way in two years or if it will be one big sigh of relief.
Allison says
Thank you for this comment. I have two (ages 4 and 18 mos) and am about to enter the baby phase a third time, a bit unexpectedly. I, too, am dreading it, for exactly the reasons you stated. I was about 95% sure that I was done after two, especially because we struggled with infertility. Being blessed with two still feels like more than we deserve! So when I found out that I was (miraculously and naturally) expecting #3, I struggled with a myriad of feelings. Mainly dread because my mind had been made up and because of the challenge of another infant, but also supreme guilt over that dread. The decision to have a third was taken out of my hands and made for me, and I hope that in a few years we will be happy in our stability and as a family of 5, but I’m not quite there yet. I love reading everyone’s perspectives. What strength we get from others’ support!
Dana says
Allison, it is funny how things work out. I to had two children and thought we were done…we contemplated maybe trying for that third but it never happened so I just assumed God had given us two wonderful children and that’s how it was meant to be. I always felt something was missing though, thought it was going back to work, just something was missing in my life and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Low and behold I got pregnant at 37 years old with my two older kids being 10 and 8 years old. Talk about HOW did this happen??? Many, many mixed emotions..I just couldn’t understand after all these years nothing and then I was pregnant. How was I going to care for a newborn while running back and forth to soccer and basketball games!! God sure did have other plans for us! But let me tell you she is the best thing that ever happened to me…I didn’t realize how much I needed her…my life is so complete and full with my family of 5!! I feel so blessed! I know many people who regret not having a third and people who felt so complete after having two…its definitely a personal preference but I think you will know when your family is complete..there’s just a sense of contentment and happiness, I don’t really know how to describe it but you’ll feel it ….I think your family of five will be amazing 🙂
Allison says
Oh Dana, your words made me cry! Thanks so much for your support. I am greatly encouraged by your happiness and sense of completeness, and am very happy for YOU that you feel whole and at peace! What a wonderful story!
Taylor says
Almost same exact scenario….had my 3rd at 36 when my other two were 7 and 9. It is crazy sometimes how she gets dragged to dance competitions and soccer games every weekend but she is total perfection. The absolute missing piece we never knew we were missing. She completes us and it sounds like your little one does too!
Kerry says
Your line “There are always challenges; but there is also always something to love.” is perfect. I have been thinking a lot about this lately actually. I have an almost 5 month old and sometimes things get pretty difficult (sleep is not happening). I catch myself thinking things like “I can’t wait until he’s older and things will be easier because of XYZ.” But then I realize there will always be difficulties, they just evolve with age. I reel myself back in and just focus on enjoying his squishiness now while I can. 🙂 There are good things and difficult things about every age and the joy is in the entire journey.
erin says
Love this post! My 2 kids are 5 and almost 8, and we are definitely done. Although, I do have quite a few friends who swore the were done and then bam, they had a 3rd when their youngest was 5 or 6.
Even though we always knew that we’d most likely stop at 2 kids we still went through many times when we questioned whether we wanted a 3rd. I realized that, for me, wanting a 3rd was more about a desire to relive/savor my kids as babies for a bit longer. Once I really grasped the fact that no matter how much you savor it still goes by quickly and you’ll still wish certain phases lasted just a little bit longer, I was confident in our decision.
I also agree that finding the best is each stage/age is where it’s at. Life is so sweet with older kids and in many ways easier. They sleep all night, go to the bathroom on their own, can power through long busy days, and travel, oh travel, is so nice with older kids. I still remember how nice the first trip was where I didn’t have to bring any diapers or gear. But hey, if anyone has a baby they want me to throw in the ergo and rock to sleep, give me a call.
Catherine says
Great post!! Though I’m pretty sure we’re done having kids, I definitely think about a third child all the time. I just don’t want to go through the two/three year old stage again 🙂. I’ll admit, though, that we still have our high chair & baby clothes. I’m not ready to part with them yet!
Heather says
My husband had always figured we’d just have two kids, while I went back and forth in my mind about wanting at least three. Ultimately, it came down to compromise, but it was difficult for me for a long time. I felt like I hadn’t really chosen to only have two kids. I’m good with the decision now, but sometimes it is bittersweet getting rid of those last remnants of babyhood. I think my daughter is still holding onto it a bit too. I agree, though – not having to carry around a diaper bag? Amazing! Being able to skip a nap and do something spontaneous? Fabulous! I am enjoying this new stage of life and really appreciating that I don’t feel like I’m just herding cats while we’re out and about and can really enjoy what we’re doing. Haha!
Jennifer says
We thought we were done and I had finally hit this mental stage of happiness of having 2 kids theeeeeen I found out I was pregnant with baby 3. I’m slightly terrified but also excited – but I also have never been more sure I’m done having babies after this one!! Haha
I know God will provide like He always has and always will for our family. I’m a bit scared but I came from a family with 3 kids and if my parents can do it all with 3 kids, I know we can too!!
Allison says
Yes! All of the above. I am just about to have my third, unexpectedly, and am feeling all of the same.
montessoriishmom says
I hope to have more babies in the future, but still struggle with my little guy getting older and ending hsi baby phase soon. I love looking forward to greater flexibility though and things like family game nights, camping trips, weekends away with just my husband, no more teething, etc. I totally agree with what you said, there is good in every phase!
Taryn says
My husband and I always said we would be happy being a family of 4. My dad always said going from a family of 4 to a family of 5 was a big commitment (bigger car, needing a booth instead of a table at restaurants, etc.) My mom also said having even numbers in your family also made it less likely that someone would feel left out. This coming from parents who had 3 kids 🙂 But honestly, whether our second was a boy or a girl, we knew we would be happy with 2 children. They are healthy, happy, and thriving, and we count our blessings daily. We waited quite awhile to start our family so we had plenty of time to travel and strengthen our marriage, so we are “older parents.” And I am okay with that. We wanted to feel 100% solid before adding kids to the mix, and I always say I want to still like him and want to hang out with him when the kids leave the nest.
Elizabeth says
I totally get the big kid phase and how it’s almost refreshing that they are more self sufficient. I just had #3 and my 2 older kids (5 & 3) have been forced to become even more independent. What’s funny is that baby #3 is literally a baby on the go because we as a family still need to go & do. This means that shes having to nap in the car and I’m wearing her a lot in the ergo, but I’ve become a much more relaxed mom in general and am ok with this. 1 kid is hard, 2 kids is more than twice the work, and adding a third isn’t easy – but it’s not as hard as adding #2. Also, it took a miscarriage for us to know that we really wanted #3! She’s such a blessing for our entire family. What’s hard is thinking about her being the last baby – because I think we’re good with 3. What form of birth control do you use (sorry to get all personal)? Just curious bc I don’t have an iud and my husband isn’t thrilled to get snipped, and I hate taking hormones.
Heather says
This is a great post and I am currently on that road to know this is it, our family is complete. Once my son hit the age of one and I stopped breastfeeding we started doing so many more things and I came to accept that this is my family, this is the way it is supposed to be. Well not even 4 months after he turned one I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd and I thought how is this possible, we are done, how are we going to manage 3 kids. Now that she is here we absolutely know we are done, so I am trying to cherish every baby smile, snuggle, coo, milestone I possibly can b/c I know that there will not be another tiny little human in my house. I love the baby stage and with a 3rd you know what to expect and you know that everything is just a phase, so I think I can enjoy it more than I did with the other two just b/c I know the crazy feedings and sleeping schedules will end and a normal routine will come. I am sometimes sad by the idea, but unlike with my son where I was still hesitant to say it was my last I now know it is my last and I have time to accept being done and moving on to our next phase!
Andrea Love says
Thank you for the great post. I had my twins at 38 years old after years of fertility treatments, loss of pregnancies and a traumatic delivery. IVF was a Godsend but I was so focused on having children that I didn’t have the forethought to think about having multiple embryos frozen (seven!) after I had my babies. I feel a deep connection to those embryos, although they are not born yet, I am their mother. My husband and I are left with the tough decision of do I implant them and have more children at 40 with twin toddlers and a traumatic delivery? I should have written my own blog about this experience I guess! Anyhow, they are frozen in time so I have time to decide if we will do a snowflake adoption, surrogacy or another option. No matter what, this is what God gave me by means of modern medicine and I am thankful.
P.S. – I had a feeling that this post http://www.ahealthysliceoflife.com/faced-big-decision-always-ask-one-question/ was somehow related to being pregnant?
Joni says
This is an emotional post for me! My second baby is 18 months old and we are just now tasting that bit of the next stage of life – still in diapers and naps but can do so much more now and I’m starting to get excited about all the future things you talk about here. The baby stage was HARD for me both times; neither slept through the night til a year old and both breastfed so much that first year that I felt really suffocated. It was much better the second time around – and obviously so worth it – but the thought of a third overwhelms me and therefore I think I’m “done.” But I think it’s hard to accept any life stage as being over; I feel the same way you do that this is weirdly the “end” which is ridiculous! Life is just getting good! I really enjoyed reading this today 😊
Erica says
Wonderful post! I love this: “focusing on the good that is in the life stage I am currently experiencing”. I feel like I’ve really benefited from being around moms who are in the same stage as me. I enjoyed the baby stage immensely with my first son, but now with the second I’m excited for him to grow up (at least a little!) more so my two sons can bond and have activities they can do together. I have to really stay fully focused on the present because my eye tends to wander towards the future!
Brooke says
Yes! I have to say, I have definitely struggled with calling it quits on the babies. But, a strong convincing factor has been the financial and logistical aspects – we also enjoy travelling and just doing things that get financially harder with every person. Plus, we don’t have strong family support and are ready to get back to “us” time.
It has been a struggle, but I think it gets easier as you realize the freedom you have with older kids! Our youngest is 1.5, but I am already starting to see the light!
Marci says
I am pregnant with #3, but always thought I only wanted two kids until #2 arrived. My older two are 5 and 2. I still felt young (I’m 33), and we liked the idea of a bigger family down the road. I am dreading the newborn year, and pretty much the next few years, and doing the baby thing all over again. We figured we would never regret going for it, and would only regret not going for it.
Liz says
I have 2 girls, ages 7 & 8, and a baby girl, 11 weeks old. After we had the first two we were 99.9% sure we were done. After the youngest went to Kindergarten we wanted another so bad!! Now we are 100% done. This baby is such a blessing and now our family feels complete.
Tracy says
For us it was easy to decide because we had 4 in 3.25 years. My last 2 were twins and we then had a 3 year old, a 19 month old and newborn twins. That was enough! Survival mode for a few years and ready for the next phase!! Now they are 21, 19, 18 & 18 and I’d do it the same way all over again. They’re great friends and we have so much fun with them :). The only difficult part is we have 4 in college this fall….gulp. Spending quite a bit on tuition this year!! Good thing we’ve been planning on it for as long as they’ve been alive!
Heather says
We had always thought we wanted three or four kids. However we had a myriad of problems staying pregnant with our youngest and we had actually began being okay with just one. Then I became and stayed pregnant but it wasn’t an easy one. We decided that was it. He was born early and is our little fighter to complete or family. It took me a long time to reqlly accept it. Now that the boys are 7 and 13 I am solidly in the big kid phase. They can do a lot for themselves and it feels amazing. My oldest is responsible enough to help take care of his special needs which is freeing in that I don’t always have to be “on”. I still miss them being little and needing me but it is a different and wonderful stage of life.
Betty says
This post was exactly what I needed to read about today, so thank you! It’s so hard to draw the line with having more babies because it’s not easy to accept the reality that the baby phase of life is over. Your perspective was very refreshing though, and you’re totally right, there is so much more to look forward to. I often have to remind myself that I was afraid of my baby becoming a toddler because I loved the baby phase so much, but the truth is, I love having a toddler even more. I would have never seen that coming. The whole journey is incredible.
SHU says
I had an overwhelming feeling that I was NOT done so . . . yeah, you know where that story goes! But after this one I”m pretty sure I”ll be RIGHT THERE.
Stephanie Prause says
Love and appreciate your honesty. Now that my first baby is one….and we definitely want to have at least one more….it’s time to start figuring out when. I’m trying not to base my preference solely on the need for baby cuddles, but yeah I want more cuddles. We’ll see how it goes I guess.
Something that has helped me feel less sad about Vera being one (I mean she’s still basically a baby, but you know…) is spending time with my nieces who are 8 and 6…they are so cool and fun to be around, and I love watching them navigate the world….so that makes me excited for future stages. BUT no need to hurry!
Nicole says
I felt this way almost 2 years ago. My girls were 4 and 2 and I was okay with only having 2. My husband, on the other hand wasn’t as sure as I was. Things were great. Fast forward a couple months, and I’m pregnant with baby 3. As soon as we had him, I knew our family was complete. Considering my whole pregnancy with my son was completely different than my girls and he was such a clinger made it an easy decision.
However, the other night, as my son was having trouble sleeping and I trying to get him to fall back asleep, I got sad. He is my last baby and I became upset thinking that I’m never going to rock another sweet little baby back to sleep. Not that I want to have another baby, just thinking how fast the time goes. It’s like you blink and they’ve aged so much in such a short amount of time. 🙁 They’re always going to be my babies, even though now they’re 6, 5 & almost 2
Sarah says
I think about this often, as I am 36 and my first delivery just 5 months ago was met with some pretty dire complications. Luckily I don’ t have to have the answer right now, but the thought of it being over makes me sad already! I love what you say about reconnecting with yourself and your husband. So true.
Katie says
I loved reading this post as I’m sure it’ll be something I will go through one day. Right now we’re on the verge of being ready to try for #2 and it’s scary- we’ve finally found our groove and it’s hard to think of what it’ll be like but also really want it at the same time!
Taylor says
So reading your post I was thinking it could have been written by me about 5-6 years ago.
I had two girls just over two years apart. The beginning was wonderful but totally consuming. Finally the haze lifted when our 2nd was about 2 1/2 and we started doing all these wonderful fun things as a family especially once she turned 4. Ages 6 and 4 were a blast! Family trips and all kinds of in stuff. Preschool and early elementary school events to be involved in. We felt complete. At different stages both of us would kiiiind of question if we were done. Then say “of course we are, we only really want 2 kids. The world is made for a family of 4!”
Fast forward to the youngest starting kindergarten and I panicked. “Wait! I’m not done! I NEED a baby!” My husband was confused. He thought we put it to rest. I was obsessed though all of a sudden. My friends would LAUGH in my face if I ever mentioned it. Go backwards?!? No way they said. Well, finally my husband (who is a total baby person!) said fine….3 months trying and if it happens it’s meant to be. You see where this is going…. I gave birth to the most perfect baby girl when my oldest was 9 and youngest was 7. I won’t lie and say it has all been super easy especially with their schedules for extra curricular and school. But man. She is totally meant to be. A blessing to our whole family. My big girls just love the heck outta her and she forces us all to just enjoy every moment because they truly do go so. fast.
I have the gift of perspective with her that I didn’t before. Before I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It seemed like I’d be a mom to toddlers forever. We’d always be having sleep struggles, never get past potty training and on and on. But now, I realize it’s over before you know it. Of course you have these cool little people who just get better each year though!
We never thought we’d be a “3 kid family” but now we can’t imagine it any other way.
Our baby is the cherry on top of the sundae. Life is crazier but oh so sweet!!
Aggie says
Let me start how I love to read you!!!
I’m now holding in my arms two months old son and I love it! I’ve got another 3.5 year old and I can say our family is complete. It just feels this way and it’s hard to explain. Another reasons why I wouldn’t want another one is my age. I’m 40 this year and can’t just picture it. I think we waited with baby 2 too long but again this was a rather bumpy road (two misscaragies and light depression) so here we are now.. 4 and happier than ever before! All the best!
Laura says
We got a taste of life without a baby for a few years because we didn’t welcome our second until our daughter was almost 5. So we are going through it all over again! Funny enough, I never had any baby fever after my first was born. I couldn’t wait to get away from sleepless nights, teething, crying, diapers, etc. Eventually, we just decided we needed to pull the trigger and give her a sibling, regardless of my reservations about entering the baby phase again. And now that baby number 2 is ten months old, sometimes the idea of having another closer in age actually appeals to me. But, for various reasons including many of the ones you touched on, we are going to stop at 2. So we are embracing the baby phase for one final time!
Nan says
We had our third when the two older kids (girl and boy) were 12 and almost 15. Number three was planned! She went everywhere with us and we also built in babysitters. I am so glad she was born- i had 2 miscarriages in the 2 years leading up to her birth which occurred when I was 39. She’s all grown now and close to her brother- not as much to her sister who is busy with her own family.
Sam Bolick says
Again your post speaks to my heart! I have one 18 month old and am trying for another 🙂 Not sure how many it will take to feel complete but I hope to go about it with the same grace you have. I so get the feelings of being stuck in a phase but it does change and better and better things come about. Life has obstacles but there are so many worthy reasons to celebrate and be overjoyed. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Brittany Dixon says
Good luck to you in your journey for #2! I appreciate your kind words about my grace, but there have been so many times my heart strings have been pulled. I feel like that phase flew by for me, so enjoy and savor, but know the next phase is pretty wonderful too <3
Sam Bolick says
I can understand that! It is flowing by and I can’t wait for what’s next. Sorry for the double post!
Sam Bolick says
Again your post speaks to my heart! I have one 18 month old and am trying for another 🙂 Not sure how many it will take to feel complete but I hope to get there with the same grace you did. I so get the feeling of being stuck in a phase but things do change and more and more better things come about. Life has so many obstacles but it’s hard to deny that there are so many worthy reasons to be thankful and overjoyed. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Lauren says
I so so so appreciate this post, even though it made my cry! I can relate to so much of it. I have 2 girls (2 years old and 8 months- just 17 months apart) and was so set on getting pregnant again in a year. Until last week at 4am happened (both up and crying) and I said to my husband, I’m done. The older my baby gets, the happier I am to do more things with them, see them play together, and it has me looking forward more to the future than going back again to the baby phase. I feel like my heart is full, and now I’m crying typing this, but I look forward to all of the joys and adventures that two little girls will bring over the next few years. I’m worried about upsetting the balance, I’m worried that I will go from busy/hands-full heart-full to overwhelmed, I’m worried about how I will get ANY sleep, and what another will do to my marriage. We are in such a good place and I suddenly and surprisingly just don’t have that longing anymore. I love your blog and I love everything about this post. You speak to my heart, girlfriend! I can’t wait for all of my adventures over the next few years with my girls, and I’ll be scanning your blog posts for all of your fun ideas and recipes!
Brittany Dixon says
And you are speaking right back to me! I’ve often said I feel like I’m a pretty good mom to my two girls and I”m not sure I could be as engaged as I want to be if I had more. It’s so hard to leave the baby phase behind, but I’ll be honest (as my girls are now 4 and 6, so a little older than yours), this next phase is AWESOME. We are able to do so many things together and I love spending time with them and hearing their thoughts and how their minds work. I’ll all about enjoying the phase i’m in while I’m there and just wanted to let you know that you have so much GOOD stuff ahead of you. Sending you lots of love! <3
Kristy says
Thank you for this! I just had my third and last baby, and my oldest is starting kindergarten. I. Am. So. Emotional. I keep trying to focus on my gratitude, but my empty uterus is being mean to my brain. Thank you for putting something out there for us mamas also worried that life post-baby is nothing but remorseful. There are far too many depressing and sentimental mom blogs out there. The logical portion of my mind, albeit a small portion, knows that there is so much more and so much goodness to come. Sending love.
Brittany Dixon says
Sending you a big hug! I understand that struggle, but can tell you with a 8 and 6 year old that I LOVE where we are now. Life is so much fun. Sending you all the best <3
Hannah Haworth says
Guessing your girls are quite a lot older but wanted to drop a comment to let ou know that this post is still so important and so relevant. I was searching for “books to read accept the baby phase is over” because even though I am 90% sure I don’t want to have another baby (husband is 100% sure! Ha) I am filled with such sadness at the thought of never experiencing the baby phase again. I want so much to just forget about it move on and embrace the stage we are in now (5yr and 3yr old). Just wanted to ask, as time goes on does it get easier to accept. X
Brittany Dixon says
Hi Hannah! In my experience, it does get easier. My girls are now 10 and 7 (HOW?!) and while a little piece of me could always imagine having a houseful of kids, I love this age and stage we are in now. We are able to do so much together as a family of four and so easily- travel, go out to eat, play games, be flexible, and afford the activities and the experiences we want to give them, etc. Focusing on all the things we can do has helped me in moments over the years when I’ve gotten the urge to snuggle another one of our babies. I think it’s ok for the transition to be bittersweet, too. However, I have enjoyed every mom phase I’ve been blessed to experience thus far; I think this one might even be my favorite. Good luck with figuring out what is right for you <3